Midlife Crisis

With your line of work, you are better equipped to answer that than me, no doubt. But here's my thoughts on the subject. Somebody discovered that some people around midlife start acting peculiar so they tagged it with a catch all called "Midlife Crisis". My midlife crisis was realizing that I was no longer a youngster. Now I'm not even a midlifer. Is there such a thing as "Oldlife Crisis?"

Well, I do think there is such a thing! I suspect it doesn't apply to everyone though. There are some people who can blithely skip through a mine-field and not get hurt. Others take one careful step, and... BOOM!

I think mine arrived when I was 'engaged' (living in sin...) to my last ex. I decided to do the typical guy thing before I got too old to enjoy toys. What was I? 40? Anyway- I took her to look at a Harley motorcycle, and a Corvette coupe. Guess which one she liked? You are right! Neither! She basically told me to let go my childhood dreams and grow up. Couldn't tell which she hated worse. It was obvious, that either one would likely cause irreparable harm to our relationship. Well, I followed her advice. Married her. Had a beautiful child. Divorced her. Yes... that qualifies as mid-life AND crisis. A Great lady, should NEVER have married her!! Really miss the idea of that Corvette though.... My idea of Karma is being able to buy that Corvette. For our daughter. LOL!

I'm no expert, just on the journey myself. Mine's been more like a transformation than a crisis. Although I think that difficult transitions, like losing loved ones, puts us in crisis for a while.

Agree with you that someone one tagged this--wonder if was some young person who wanted to market to us?

As for me, I don't use the "O" word. But I'm hoping that once you get to the other side of midlife, everything gets a lot clearer and simpler. Am I dreaming?

I had one of those "ex" experiences in midlife too. My biggest mistake was ignoring my intuition that marrying him was a mistake. Thought I could make it work. Wrong.

Now I always listen to those gut reactions. They never steer me wrong.

Hope you get your Corvette!

I thought that mid-life would be easier, the kids grown and out on their own but the problems and challenges change. I don't see it as a crisis. I think it 's ok to want something for yourself after putting me at the bottom of the list for the extrasbeneath husband, kids home etc. It's a journey and live every day to its fullest because circumstances can change your life as you know it in a heartbeat,.

Daniel Levinson made a fortune with his books on the topic so it doesn't matter whether it exists or not, people bought into it.

I guess I was working the day I was supposed to have mine. I doubt at my advanced age, I could go back and have one. It's even too late for me to have a retirement crisis. Been there, done that, got tired of it and started a business in a field I had no experience in at 68.

Life is a crisis only when you get your bowels in an uproar over every little thing that happens when it is supposed to happen. When you are out on the seas, you don't worry if the boat gets wet. It is supposed to. When you get older, you can't worry that you aren't young any longer. If your life was so great when you were young, you wouldn't be exhibiting such a feeling of loss; you would have gotten it all when you were supposed to get it.

People who have a midlife crisis tend to have had a crisis with every major change in their lives. people who pass smoothly from child to teen to young adult to marriage to family and have satisfactions in other realms of their life while they are doing so, don't need a crisis. They have a string of relatively positive memories to carry them to the next step.

I think of the old saying when I hear others complain about their luck or their failures or their travails: Life is what happens while you are busy doing other things. It comes with no warrantee, express or implied. You can make the best of it or you can bollix it up big time and a hundred years from now, nobody will know or care. Whether you live in a grass shack or a McMansion, you will die in the end and return to the dust from when we all came. So, enjoy it while you are here ... and don't make it worse for someone else while you are busy making a fool of yourself!

Hi Midlife Muse,

I always thought the idea of a midlife crisis was a bunch of hype. My opinion changed when my wife of 24 years announced that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She said she couldn't ask for a better husband, but that she needed to be independent. Her focus changed from marriage, church, family and home to a search for fulfillment with other people she met through her work. Running to bars with girls in their 20's and early 30's replaced being home with her husband and our 16 year old daughter. Hanging out with her friends took priority over visiting our two sons who are in college. We raised three kids together and were very happy with few disagreements and lots of happy times for 23 of our 24 years. But something snapped in her and she is done with me.

Now I'm looking in the mirror at a 48 year old man who suddenly is facing a divorce, a brand new mortgage to pay, half of a retirement gone, two sons to put through school by myself, aging parents to look after, and a daughter at home wondering why her mother is moving out. I cried when she told me she didn't want to be with me anymore and her response, in a very cold and stoic tone, was that weak people cry.

I will always love my wife, but don't understand what happened to her. How does a person change their personality and focus so drastically? How does a loving wife become so uncaring? I have always been a good husband to her. Even she admits that and her family has all but disowned her.

I guess it's a mid-life crisis. Or maybe she just put on a good act for 23 years. But I don't really believe that. She has simply changed. I sadly have to say that I believe there is such a thing as a mid-life crisis. But I am finding out that I am a stronger person than she will ever realize. While she is discovering herself, I have continued to be there everyday for my kids, my parents and my employer so that our family can continue to survive. Some days are tough, but we will make it.

Uncle Spencer