Denial and Forgiveness

My motto: forgive to save your soul and your energy. But don't forget because you may lose your dignity, your income or your life when you ignore the inappropriate behaviors of others. Forgiveness costs you nothing. Forgetting can cost you everything.

This isn't a philosophical issue except to the religious. This is a practical issue that affects every day life. I forgive the gas station employee who messed up the repair on my car but the next time I have a repair, I take it elsewhere. By forgiving him, I save myself all the energy that anger produces when you don't forgive. By not forgetting I save hundreds of dollars when a competent repair person does the job!

And ... I will not turn the other cheek when someone does me intentional harm. I will balance the scales then and there but afterward, not waste time or energy being upset. It's over and done with. Where I grew up, turning the other cheek gets you hit twice instead of once. When the wound is psychological, I do not respond. I have plenty of ego to sustain the slings and arrows of outrageous people but I do not stick around to allow them to do it again.

It's true. I think forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the forgiven. If you've been hurt or betrayed, you basically have two choices; be angry or forgive and move on. You can't be angry and forgive at the same time. You also can't be angry and move on at the same time. So, if you want to avoid a lot of negative feelings and get on with things, forgive. I think a lot of people don't forgive because they want to make the person who wronged them suffer. But the one who really suffers the most seems to be the one who continues to be angry and won't forgive. I agree with Milt T's point that just because you forgive you don't forget. Don't make the same mistake twice. That's self-preservation.