Posted: Dec 2, 07
9:21pm
For a while now, it’s been in the back of my head that something wasn’t 100% right with us. We've been together for 7 years, 6 years living together. About a year ago, I was sick and really really really depressed between losing my job and getting sick and not being able to stop bleeding. And he kept seeming more and more distant. I thought it was work. And I know some of it really was work. And I figured it was me as well because I wasn’t with it mentally and certainly not physically at all. How can you be when you’re bleeding for 5-6 months straight and then end up with a hysterectomy that keeps you physically unable to do anything for another 6 weeks? And I admit that we got boring —— sooooo boring —— so predictable —— it was killing me too, but I just kept figuring, I’ll be better soon I’ll make everything right.
OK anyway, as you can figure from here, on one of his many business trips, he managed to hook up with some married woman. And this is not just “some” married woman, but an old high school flame. A few weeks later, her ruse was to have a friend call him and tell him that Jane just won’t stop talking about him and could he call or email her for old times sake. And he did. And then they hooked up. A number of times. Oh, while she is married, she doesn’t love the lawyer she’s married to and was pushing my boyfriend to move in together. My boyfriend never told her about me.
One day, I sit down next to him, and he says “I can’t do this anymore — us anymore. It’s not right anymore.” And I agreed that we were not us anymore, but I figured we just needed a little more time to get better and we would be right on track. He didn’t really say anything.
In a nutshell, he first said that he doesn’t know what he wants now. He thinks he needs space. Also, he wants to be my friend because I am his only true friend. That part is true. He’s sorry that sounds like everything I’ve ever been told before. He knows he doesn’t want how we’ve been living lately. And I wholeheartedly agree. It really became a dredging existence. I barely felt alive as it was. And he kept complaining about work and how horrible it had become. I agree. Totally. I was just hoping and waiting that we could hold on until this bleeding hysterectomy thing was over. I know it was a long time that I was not with it. But we made it through what I thought was worse things and I figured this was just another obstacle and we would be home free. And we could play and laugh and do new exciting things and improve our lives together. He does love me but there's something about her. He says that the affair with her "just fell into his lap". He was crying when he said all this, I don’t know if that makes it more believable or not. It’s all so cliche’. I asked him if he thought our “spark” was still there and if it could be re-ignited. He said the spark was still there and maybe we could try to work it out.
Then, about a week later, he decided that I should leave our house (he pays the bills but has always told me the house is mine). I stayed as long as I could mentally stand it. And then when I started to look for a new place to live, he called me and told me to stay at home, not leave and that he loved me and we would work things out and that he would break things off with her. Apparently they were meeting that weekend and he did break it off with her. Then she just kept calling him and calling him and texting and texting at all hours of the night and day. And slowly he started to pull away from me again. Then he started waivering, saying he needed time, that he does love me and he is here and that proves he wants to make things work. At the same time, he was texting and calling her and telling her that he loved her. Whenever I would make headway and see the old us, the next day he would be cold and aloof. So when I told him he is physically here, but not mentally with me, he said nothing. The next day, however he did start acting differently; as though he is trying to be mentally with me. He admitted and profusely apologized for ruining us. He doesn't feel well (and he is truly not healthy), and he thinks he's going through a mid-life crisis. He also told me that he believes it will take time for us to get back and be as we once were because we didn't fall apart in one day, it was a gradual decline.
Part of me says I am being totally played, but why would he tell me to stay when I was clearly leaving and he could be rid of me? The other part says that it all just needs a little bit of time and we can make it.
So, what do you think?
