What is the nature of a long-term relationship?

As a Relationship Coach and married for over 25 years I'd like to first say "yes, yes and yes ...you can still have it going on after many years". I'd like to invite one and all who can say that, to contribute to this post the ways in which you keep things hot. Of course, I am assuming you are looking for hot....why settle for anything less??

My invite includes a "BYOB"..... BRING YOUR "OH BABY" back into the relationship!!! This, however, does not begin in the bedroom, but in the room of authenticity. The more honest you can be with one another the closer the intimacy.

We all had unspoken goals or expectations coming into this marital union. Major ones would include raising kids, buying a home,.....living the American or whatever dream you may have had in your head.

After completion or near completion of those goals we now begin to waiver in our connection. The question now to ask is "what do we want now out of our marriage"?

This can be a time of incredible...and I mean incredible freedom. Run with it. Think outside the box. HAVE FUN!!! Want some ideas?? My hubby and I have plenty....and so do you if the two of you put your heads together. Planning this new time in your life is half the fun....living it out is even better though.

hmmmm I think I will go give my hubby the "look". Time for some "oh baby". Catch you later...and look forward to all the commentary to follow from others.

oh ...and p.s.: If you really need some suggestions to get the ball rolling..... I'm here for ya....

Brag Time ....and you "asked" to hear about all this "mushy stuff" ..! Everybody has heard the expression/s "they were made for each other" or "what a perfect couple" or "Oh, they have a marriage made in heaven".

Have people said to you "I wish we could be like you and your wife"..? Think about it. That's a pretty profound statement. My wife and I are still as excited over our relationship as we were when we first realized that we "can't stand not being together" and got married.

We are and always will be "best friends". We share everything there is to share together. We are both unique individuals and have developed our own "being" as we grew older together. We have raised a family and both became "the best" at work and received the rewards that a successful career can give. We have wonderful children and enjoy watching them continue to grow.

We have also suffered together. We have buried parents. We have lost a job and income. We also live with an incurable disease called Multiple sclerosis, that my wife has had for 17 years. Yet, people still say to us "I wish we could be like you and your wife"..!

Sometimes we think to ourselves, "they forgot why they got married in the first place"..and it never hurts to have a passionate roll in the sack.

My husband and I have been married for 31 years. It hasn't all been wonderful and passionate but that is something we work at.

Like Joni and Bad Frog said, we do get caught up in raising our families, paying bills and dealing with the tough stuff life throws our way.

I recently posted a question asking what people do to make their spouse/partner feel loved and cherished--we all can use ideas now and then!

My husband and I have had all the typical "stuff" in our lives as well as the death of a child--that was what about did our marriage in and it wasn't because we didn't care about each other--it was because we each had to deal with the grief from Tracy's death in our own way. Now we are experiencing the "empty nest" and it has become a time of rediscovery for us. As Joni said, it is a time of freedom like we haven't experienced since our first child was born 29 years ago and we are having a great time.

Keeping the fires burning and the passion flowing takes an effort but it is well worth it. Don't give up and settle for anything less!

Speaking from the inside of a forty year marriage (as of 12/24), you bet your sweet patootie that romance can still be part of a long-standing marriage. Marriage is more than hormones. It is hard work and keeping the relationship fresh with the introduction of new ideas and even new people as friends to have someone to gossip about late Saturday evening. Of course, you need to account for physical deterioration - you know the old joke, "What once I could do all night now takes all night to do once!" may play a role but it is not what you accomplish, it is what you are willing to try that floats the boat.

Tell you what ... if my wife ever comes here telling you that the romance has gone out of our marriage, check the obituary page because it will be because I am dead and she hasn't found a new partner yet!

People who withdraw from each other have more than sexual issues. They have accumulated angers and resentments that need to be aired or repressed feelings they want to be somewhere else that they are afraid to express. Not wanting to be alone is a sad-ass excuse for staying married but many couples live at the intersection of Lonely Street and Heartbreak Boulevard.

Thank you all for you input. I am both happy and envious to hear that you found a way to keep your passion alive. It is genuinely inspiring.

The issue I think I am facing is that my wife and I want very different things out of marriage and have a very different view of what intimacy is. My wife wants to raise kids, build houses, secure ourselves financially. Her idea of intimacy, which is valid, is what I would associate with "just" friendship. We are indeed very close friends, we talk about everything. we are nice and considerate to each other (most of the time). The only problem is that she seems to have little need or desire for passion or romance. Not never, just very rarely. She is often responsive to efforts I put out, but rarely returns the favour. It seems very one sided and I am tired and feel unappreciated for always having to be the one to make the effort. I am not angry, just a little hurt and mostly tired.

So here is another question: can one reignite passion in someone else? Or is that too unreasonable? She is who she is for a variety of reasons, as we all are. In a way, I feel like I am being unreasonable to expect her to be someone she isn't. Is it possible that she is just done with the "passionate" phase of her life, or is that in all of us?

Your wife is the only one who can possibly answer your questions. If she cares enough to try to please you, she might be willing to try. If she knows she can not or will not, she might be willing to tell you that straight out. In either case, you'll have some answers.

Looking forward to the responses....been with my spouse for 15 years and it feels like we just met. I consider myself one lucky woman. So..five years from now it falls apart? Hope not.

We don't have kids, he has his things, I have mine, but we seem to enjoy all the moments we have together. Knock on wood. And...I've got some Latin blood in me so I do enjoy a good argument now and then. Passion is fun.