advice please

Speak to someone , either a counselor, clergy or Best friend. Encourage counseling for both of you. If he won't go, you go. No one deserves abuse of any kind.

Hello Tubby,

My advice for you is to run from this guy. 10 years ago I was in similar position except that I alone bought a property, I solely paid downpayment from a property I had sold in Europe, I solely renovated the property with my money and I solely paid a mortgage and real estate taxes and for maintenance of the property. I did not live with my friend. He was only a friend who wanted to be my boyfriend. Finally he started to be abusive, first verbally next physically. Finally I filed for a restraining order and after court hearing I was granted with it.

After that he said he would do anything to destroy me including civil suit. Before me he had filed about 10 lawsuits against other people.

In revenge he filed a complaint to be granted of half of property. It took me 5 years to have it cleared and a lot of money in legal expenses that I still had not paid off.

I lost trust and self-esteem. He made me look like a trush in the court. I have not even had a boyfriend relationship with him. He was only a friend who wanted to be my boyfriend AND HE WAS A STALKER TYPE.

My conclusion is: RUN BEFORE YOU ARE DEPRIVED OF EVERYTHING. SELL THE PROPERTY AND RELOCATE. YOU HAVE CHILDREN TO THINK OF. DO NOT PITTY HIM, HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT.

RUN GIRL, RUN!

If you say that he has been abusive in every possible way to you, what aren't you getting? Yes, you are being stupid ! Give it more time? Are you serious? How much more pain do you need before you wise up? Thank God that you're not married to this guy. Get a restraining order, get rid of him and give yourself a chance to be safe and free of stress. I wouldn't even consider therapy for this relationship.

Many women will relate to your situation Tubby. As a therapist for 25 years, I could advise you to go to relationship counseling and have him attend anger management therapy and on and on, but from what you're relating here, I agree that you should just cut your losses, protect yourself and your boys and cut him loose. I suspect you feel a degree of responsibility to help this man and you give him plenty of leeway with his behaviors. This, Tubby, is what is called Co-Dependent behavior and it can end with you or your kids being seriously hurt or killed. See an attorney if needed; get a Restraining Order ASAP; change all of your locks if you are not going to move. Change all of your routines and have family, friends and neighbors aware so that they can help as well. Be absolutely sure that you file your RO with your local police department and check with the court or sheriff's office to ensure that he was served with the order. If possible, have people around you as much as possible and alert the police once he has been served as this tends to be the most dangerous time as these men tend to rage and lose control of themselves. If possible, don't be home - stay elsewhere. Do the smart thing. Do the right thing. Do not teach your boys that women are to be taken advantage of because they are weak. Show them that women can be strong and that they won't be mistreated.

Teach them to respect women and to treat them with real love and honor. Show them and yourself that you deserve so much more and in turn you will all benefit without living on this rollercoaster. There is plenty of help out in the community. If you don't know where to start, call your local police department, as they usually have domestic violence counselors, or if you have a domestic violence agency in your area, contact them right away. They will be an excellent source and support. All the best to you. Keep safe.

I certainly agree with everyone else...leave this chump!

I'm sure you feel like you love him but no one deserves this.

About your financial situation, if the mortgage the cars are in your name...sell everything and start over. You might feel like your ruined...but cut your losses and move on. Holding on to dollars is no where near as meaningful as your piece of mind and well-being.

Admit that you made a mistake...even if you didn't see it coming and move on. You will be much better off.

It is Isabella again. I responded to her answer before. What I forgot to mention that I was diagnosed with co-dependency threat. I blame my psychologist that she has never told me to run. If she did I would not have been in this mess for so many years.

I feel better that man agree with me. It is in my past now but still I can not get it over. l hope that Tubby will listen to all of us. I am sorry I have not found this site when I was in trouble.

I do not want Tubby to be in my position many years later when she discovers she has lost her respect and self-esteem. Sometimes I am praying I would die.

It is what a bad relationship can do to you!. Isabella