How Long Does It Take?

Hey Uncle Spencer! I have been there and done that! My kids tell me that although it isn't the perfect situation, that from their standpoint we are all better off...their dad, their mom (me) and them. They know when things aren't good and at least in my case my kids love me and their dad enough to want us both to be happy. Of course they may be feeding me a line ya know... :)

As far as hurt, there is a part of me that is a black hole of guilt and I don't think I'll ever get rid of it, however, I have learned how to live with it, learn from my past, and carry on my life joyfully. You will too!

80% of there friends parents are divorced. Don't dwell on it.

I've been there too. I was divorced when my son was five years old. I am remarried and have children with my second husband and am very happy. I never looked at divorce as failure; I looked at it as a chapter in my life that helped create the person I am today. I got a wonderful child out of my marriage. I seriously feel our children want us to be happy and they realize when we aren't. Don't be so hard on yourself. Enjoy your life and trust me; things will get easier as time goes by.

I love what Cindyld said, Uncle. I think too, that it's a matter of covering the hurt you feel with happy days, new things, good thoughts. Your kids may need to get a little older before they completely understand. Isn't that always the way? But you are setting a good example by loving again. Way to go!

No matter what divorce is "not supposed to happen" at least to us. If we thought any differently, at least our generation, we would have most likely never married. It's been 16 years. Though every day I am grateful to not be shackled to that man, and we are well past the trauma of it all, there still is a smidge of "failure" associated. Funny thing is I had a brief 2nd marriage, no kids, divorce with no guilt. Perhaps something to do with the fact that, for all intents and purposes, you WILL be tied to that other person because of the kids indefinitely. And for me, like last night when I briefly saw him on my doorstep, there is a wee bit of a feeling of 'I can't believe we were ever married', and that makes me feel bad for my kids. I wish I could say I liked him more than I do. I agree with Jamie yes many of our kids friends parents are also divorced, but it's still a very personal family ordeal to go through, with a lasting impact. Best to you Uncle, I'm so glad you have a special someone in your life to share the load with, she is a gift!!

Cindyld, Sapphire, that's good to hear! Thanks for sharing! My kids seem to be handing things pretty well, probably better than I have......Ultimately, Jamie, I know I can't dwell on things, that leads nowhere, but it's tough some days. Dee and Ljqrn, I appreciate your thoughts as well. I AM blessed to have someone special in my life now. It helps a lot, but there are still issues to deal with but I suppose it's just a matter of time. The ex only moved out in early January of this year, so it hasn't been all that long. We were married 24 years. Thanks for all your comments!!

I divorced after 15 years. My kids were 8, 10 and 11. Although I have felt guilt over the years about how it has affected the kids, I think my kids realize that things would have been worse if I had stayed. I will sometimes look at my former spouse and wonder why I ever married her, but I have 3 well adjusted, functioning adult children now who are in no hurry to get married but they do have successful relationships. I feel guilty from time to time because my new wife has 10 and 13 year old boys and when we do family activities I realize what I lost over the years because of the divorce. I never did hurt or have guilt about leaving my wife, just my kids, but I have a very good relationship with them now and that makes things better.