Christmas on an Empty Nest

hang in there ann,have faith,

For my family, it is Chanukah that has disappeared from the list of celebrations no longer kept. All my cousins and I used to get together with our parents to light the candles on the menorah and get little gifts from the adults. We especially looked forward to the gold-foil-wrapped chocolates which we could make disappear in a matter of moments. We used to have such a wonderful time. This gathering of the tribe continued through our marriages and the births of the next generation (our children) but as our parents died off, the children scattered to the four winds and we had no hub around which the spokes were brought together and the celebration disappeared. Now my generation are the grandparents and great grandparents and we don't do it like our parents did. Family meant something then.

Now, our celebration is a trip to the post office to send gifts to our son and granddaughter - wherever they might be on the planet that week. This year, it was Denver where they were shooting a promo for Starz Network. Our lovely "gift" from our son and granddaughter for Chanukah this year was a delight. They were contracted to create a Chanukah ad in song for a festival to take place in six cities around the world. It was put up on You Tube and was part of the Chanukah video blurbs on the TBD site (thank you gang), if you should want to see it. If you would like to see that one and other vids by them, both professional and amateur, go to www.myspace.com/slideshowplayers/

For my wife and I, Christmas Eve is our time to shine. We do not celebrate that holiday, but for the fortieth time, we will be celebrating our anniversary tomorrow night. While our Christian friends and family are putting gifts under the trees, we will be having an equally wonderful celebration that is more private but equally important and blessed. Unlike the Jewish joke about where Jews spend Christmas (Chinese restaurants), we have an old favorite that has been part of our lives through marriages, anniversaries, birthdays, graduations ... and funerals. They remain one of the few places still in existence from the day of our wedding in 1967 but they are still there and still open until nine on Christmas Eve. At our age, a late dinner is anything that starts after five PM! No, we do not have to take advantage of the "early bird specials" on our anniversary ... but it couldn't hurt! We do not share our anniversary with anyone. It is our private time. Birthdays have been our share-it time with family and friends. I prefer anniversaries. We can reflect on where we've been and where we are going. After dinner, we get out the picture albums - oops! Now we run a slide show on Picasa! I picked out favorites from over the years, put them in an album and all I have to do is push a button. I hooked our Laptop to the TV so we get to see the pics on a large screen while sitting comfortably on our well and long-used leather sofa.

Whatever you celebrate, I hope that this year ends on a high note and the new year begins on an even higher one for you and your family.

I agree, AnnBanks, that it is very different having Christmas without little kids at home. Not as much decorating, not as much baking, not as much noise and excitement. But my son (who is 24) and I started putting together a gingerbread house a couple of years ago and that has become a new tradition on Christmas--although he may only be doing it to humor me--but he seems to have fun. We kind of "mangle" the poor little gingerbread house and it comes out looking pretty bad sometimes. But we laugh a lot and take a photo for the album of our horrible house!! My husband, the perfectionist, comes along and tries to "fix" our house and that is part of the fun, too. My daughter rolls her eyes and has fun as a not-so-silent-observer.

We also get together for a Christmas gathering with some very good friends--dinner and small gift exchange, games, merriment--sometime during the season.

So there are some new traditions that can come about. But, I have to admit that I do miss seeing Christmas through the eyes of my children when they were small.

I don't decorate, don't bother with getting the old Xmas 78's out and playing them (including Caruso singing "Adeste Fideles").

And there's even less to celebrate this year. My kid lost her job yesterday, my girlfriend's family's imploding, and we still got people dieing in Iraq for Dick Cheney's erection.

My family wrote me off years ago, so I don't even think about them.

Ya know I dont think all we did with family and I mean cousins, aunts, uncles...etc...will ever be revived..Simply because life has gotten everyone in such a rush that most people only have the one day off and just dont want to be doing anything other then relaxing it seems..When children grow up Christmas sadly does change...But I have a 2 year old Granddaughter now and I have begun feeling the spirit again with her in our lives..So who knows when more happens (Grandchildren) we might have one of those big family get togethers again...

I am so looking forward to grandbabies!! Little kids make even ordinary days special. (however my kids are not ready to become parents yet and that is okay--I just hope it happens while I am still ambulatory!!)

Milt, your holiday sounds like a wonderful celebration!!

In our family, we've quit giving presents in favor of sending a big bunch of money to charity. It makes everyone feel good and exempts us from the Christmans consumer frenzy.