Best Friends

not sure what you mean by "hardship". Loss of friendship?

The only person I can call a "best friend" is a guy I met in 1976. We still speak most every day. There was a time though when our lives drifted apart but I am happy to say that we are close again.

Why is this person my "best" friend?

In 1986 I separated from my wife of 10 years. It was acrimonious and extraordinarily volatile time. I had been out of the house for a week though not completely moved out. We had a terrible fight on the phone that night. In terrible shape I called my friend at midnight and pleaded for help.

7am the next morning he was at my door with a van and I moved out the last of my things in about 2 hours.

When my Mother was dying and I was the only caregiver he was available 24/7 for 18 months.

I am grateful that he is in my life...no doubt till the end. I'm a lucky guy.

Do we always agree? No. The bond is strong enough that we both feel comfortable to say the tough things to one another when needed.

How lucky am I?

That's a best friend, the hardship I meant was if the friend did something unforgivable.

I've had three truly best friends in my life.

My mom . . .she was my 'every day person' . . . that one person that you talk to every day and if you miss a day you feel like you forgot to do something. You NEED that contact, you enjoy that contact, you look forward to that daily contact. That was my mom. We would even call each other and watch t.v. together while on the phone, but in different locations. We would talk about everything . . . and nothing at all. We rarely fought . . . and we ALWAYS ended our calls with "I love you".

My husband . . . he has become my 'every day person'. Our marriage may not be great, but we have a friendship that I think most people would envy in a marriage.

And then there's Melody. Here's where I can speak to handling 'hardship' in a friendship. We became best friends in college. At one point in time we both lived in CA and the guy she was totally head over heals infatuated with raped me. (I think that's the first time I've voluntarily used that 'r' word). Anyway, she didn't know the situation. She simply thought that I had just 'taken her man'. It destroyed our friendship for quite some time . . . I don't even remember how long . . . It felt like forever. But one day, out of the blue, she called me to tell me that no man was worth losing a friend over.

THAT is a 'best friend'.

So, I guess a best friend can be a couple of things . . . it may be that person you crave speaking with each day, or maybe it's that person that won't leave you even if they feel they've been wronged by you . . . for me, it doesn't matter WHAT they are . . . I'm just thankful THAT they are.

well said, I doubt that you are an ordinarygirl

I met "Emmett" in Junior year of high school. I came in just after smoking lunch. He sensed that I was seeing veins before my eyes and laughed. We both went back out and had a long talk over a long toke. We, and another "Ed" were inseparable until our mid 20's when we all straightened out, succeeded in careers and married. Emmett flew away several years ago from cancer. I will never forget Emmett. I don't know why we considered eachother best friends, probably because all three of us were non-voilent, didn't like sports, loved music and never judged eachother. Emmett was the kindest, gentlest person I have ever met.

If your friend has done something truly unforgivable then I guess you can no longer count that person as a friend at all, let alone a best friend. If her actions were simply difficult to forgive I'd talk with her about it, share my feelings, and hope the apology she offered was enough to get us past it. If not, the friendship does or is very strained for a time if not broken.

I had a best friend, Kim, for 7 years. We were very close and worked together and spent time outside of work as well. Kim had a very wild history and was trying to control it in her late 30's and 40's. She had what is called Borderline Personality Disorder and at times it was very difficult to remain friends with her - so I'd distance myself for a few days until she regained balance in her life. It came to me after a while that she was bi-sexual or bi-curious and had had such previous experience. I realized that she wanted our friendship to incorporate a sexual aspect even though our relationship was already pretty sensual which was fine with me. She wanted me to do a threesome with her and her boyfriend, but I just didn't want to do that because I knew all of the history,etc. This kind of stuff would come up occasionally but I'd just change the subject. The third friend that made up our triage turned out to be my on and off lover and more - we nearly married but I backed out in 1998. During that time, Kim was jealous at times which surprised me because at other times she was pushing us to get married. After leaving that relationship I entered into another relationship. During that time, she became involved in a relationship with a woman at her work who was married with 2 kids. Although I supported her as a friend, I thought it was all really crazy and just courting all kinds of danger at work (they were having sex right in her office), and from the husband of her girlfriend (who had bugged the telephone and parts of their house!). When my boyfriend then moved in with me, Kim just lost it and accused me of choosing him over her and it was all pretty crazy. She just ended up blowing me off, refusing to take my calls or refusing to call me back, etc. Her behavior hurt me a great deal. She did things like telling lies about me to other people in our agency and to people in other agencies right when I was trying to leave our agency. Not only couldn't I get a job anywhere, I couldn't get people I'd known for many years to even call me back! I was devastated. Then I finally was told by some of my friends that she and my ex-fiancee bastard had basically blackballed me in our field with all of the agencies is south FL making it impossible for me to get a job elsewhere. She went really nuts and in time, like I always say, everything comes back to you in time and bites you in the ass and that was what happened to her. Her girlfriend dumped her. The agency ceremonially fired her and caused her severe embarassment and humiliation. It had come out about her sex life which involved more than her girlfriend. She had gone crazy firing people and promoting people who were unqualified and other things as well as alienating many important people in our field. I know that she no longer had a best friend or any friends really at all to be with her and support her and guide her. I had a lot of anger towards her for a long time but I realized recently that I miss the Kim that was my very best friend. I don't know that that Kim really exists any longer but she was in my life for like 10 years and she was a huge chunk of my life. I guess I have ambiguous feelings now but overall, I think it's sad. All that was put into that relationship seems to have been wasted and all that's left are memories. Both good and bad.