LMAO!!! Too funny GatorGal!!
Next Please!Posted: Feb 17, 08 7:23pmA flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." /8-} . A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." .  8 Comments
// 8 Members
Posted: Feb 17, 08 7:58pm A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand ...  Posted: Feb 18, 08 10:47amA flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand ... More rim shots Gator, to funny thanks my Monday just got much better. 
Mockingbird
 Posted: Feb 18, 08 11:26amA flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand ... CURTAIN RODS---- She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water .. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned .
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ....
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going .
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back . Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day . She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU <courtesy of PisceanAmber and my cousin - sorry but the pictures didn't transfer???>
CURTAIN RODS---- She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water ..
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.
They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned .
Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!!
People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place ....
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going .
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back .
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day .
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........
And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
<http://www.incredimail.com/index.asp?id=101218&rui=95070951> ------ End of Forwarded Message Delete Reply Forward Spam Move... Previous | Next | Back to Messages Save Message Text | Full Headers
Posted: Feb 18, 08 11:30amA flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand ... Ever thought about taking your show on the road, Gatorgal?? Posted: Feb 18, 08 12:06pmCURTAIN RODS---- She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second... Thanks for the smiles Ms Bird Posted: Feb 18, 08 12:14pmCURTAIN RODS---- She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second... These are classics! Posted: Feb 18, 08 12:25pmA flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand ... This one made me laugh.... ;-) A Woman's Poem There are times when men should just lighten up and let women enjoy a nice quiet poem such as this one. He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked the crap out of him...
Like his mother used to do. Enjoy!!!
| ADVERTISEMENT  |
