privacy in marriage

The question is do you think, you are wrong? How did she have your pass word, had you given it too her? Anyway, my personal opinion, she used it as an excuse, to end your relationship, being upset with you would be one thing but Divorce???

Will it make the separation easier for you if you're the aggrieved party? Yes, I feel it's a grave invasion of privacy to read another person's emails, even a spouse. It's also an invasion of privacy to discuss her personal information in an email which can be copied and transmitted anywhere. Face to face conversations with a friend are somewhat different.

You say she's been dissatisfied with your relationship for a long time and you were complaining about your sex life. Sounds like there's quite a large rift and much to be repaired here. I ask again, if the marriage is over and she's leaving, does it make you feel better if she's more at fault than you are? Does this render you guiltless in the breakup?

I agree with you. She shouldn't have snooped around in your e-mails. But perhaps you should not have e-mailed your friend about your intimate frustrations. That kind of sharing is best reserved for in-person conversations or phone calls, not in media that leave a digital trail.

Nonetheless, what's done is done. If she's been dissatisfied for some time, then I'm guessing this skirmish is simply the excuse she needed to pull the trigger on breaking up.

Alas, a wonderful vacation rarely heals long festering sores. At this point, you might try couples counseling. Even if it doesn't save your marriage, it may help you end things reasonably gracefully.

There's no way on God's green earth that a single email is leading to the separation and possible end of your marriage.

It's a great excuse, though.

She's probably been thinking about it for months, made up her mind for weeks, and waiting for something, anything to help paint over any guilt she may be feeling over this decision.

The time for finger pointing is over.

"She read my email!" "He wrote someone about our sex life!" You are not eight years old on the playground.

The time has come to be adults, act your age, and try to focus on a kind, loving solution to this problem.

If counseling is a possibility, then you both need to get to it immediately both as a couple and individually.

If it's truly over with, you need to focus on your future, not your past.

Eric, I am on the verge of leaving my husband and he recently went through my cell phone and called every number that called me and I called. I would like to say that is the reason that I am leaving , but I would be lying to you. We had problems for years but no one wanted to acknowledge there were problems. If you are going to honest you will admit there were warning sign that the both of you chose to ignore. If you want this marriage to work stop placing blame and start facing the problems. I hope your marriage can be saved I know my own cannot.

Your sharing of personal information with a friend is likely just the straw that broke the camel's back. Counseling may help to uncover the root causes of the friction, which would allow each of you to work on fixing the relationship. If your wife has been dissatisfied with the relationship for some time, there are root causes... have either of you tried to pro-actively address them?

I think something you should have stated in your post is whether your friend is male or female.

Hi Eric,

My opinion is that she did indeed violate your privacy, it is more understandable if she had good cause, but wrong just the same. If my husband complained about our intimacies to anyone else I would feel betrayed and trust level damaged. I would much rather, as his teammate have him discuss things with me. As a female I never discuss sex our sex life anyone else but him.

There are reasons that she feels dissatisfied with the relationship. Finding those reasons and addressing them could be an easy fix for your marriage and sex life. It is well worth the effort.

Good luck, Robin