what do childhood memories reveal about you?

Yeah that when I took up SPACE in school, I should've gone all the way and been an astronaut.

Truthfully never applying myself in school and not going on to college, I mean what was the point when I never studied enough over the prior 12 yrs. The point being that I didn't apply myself could've limited what might have been available to me in the way of work..........but mostly it was the apathetic attitude.

Hello...As a counselor, I use this method with clients. It's a revealing and therapeutic exercise. It can also be especially helpful for couples.

unique... i read the "write away" that you're referring to but i don't remember now if i participated in it or not.

anyway, abandonment is a deep issue and is at the core of who we are and will become. i believe that once its embedded in your spirit, it is forever there. rejection is abandonment's very close friend and they reside and twist together in an often insidious and painful way.

my childhood was filled with pain with a bipolar and oft times, psychotic mother who was also a borderline personality and regular participant in suicide attempts. she refused treatment and medication.

to learn by myself when i was just 4 years old that my mother, (who i loved so dearly and do so still today), was not just ill but broken - shattered - and i believed even then that she could not be fixed.

how has this and thousands of other related things affected my life? i don't believe that i can put it into words adequately. trust is very hard for me and yet i crave it almost to the point of desperation.

the fear of being abandoned in any sense is present with me as if it were itself an entity. and rejection, which is always present it seems, taunts me terribly.

both of my parents rejected me from an early age due to illness and narcissist characters that they each had in their own ways. this continued until my mother died.

after over 30 attempts, she succeeded. the doctors said it was accidental but i know better. and that act feels deeply like the ultimate abandonment. but i have learned over the years that it was just her time regardless of how she left here. i was just 18. she was not here for my wedding or for the births of my sons. she wasn't here for me for my whole life and the effect has been profound.

at the core of it all is a truth that i wish were not true. i mourn for the mother that i so passionately wish that i had had and not the one that i did have. that is a pain that simply doesn't fade but it is possible to understand and accept.

my childhood, despite its affects, no longer defines me. i have worked hard to cope and to learn and to help others who are following, sadly, in my footsteps. it has made me strong and independent overall, and the wall around me is tall and strong and is all i have to protect me. i am soft inside. i am loving and open inside. but few prove to be trustworthy enough to be given entrance into the place where i really exist.

mockingbird,

you did indeed live through a childhood that others might use as an excuse for failure. when you wrote "my childhood, despite its affects, no longer defines me." you gave me hope that spirit can be stronger than circumstances.

What helped me most was realizing my parents were just people like me. They struggled with everyday problems and left over demons from their childhood just as I do. They did their best to cope as I do now. No demons anymore, just wishing it didn't take this long to find peace.

God Bless

Ms Mockingbird

The personal depth of you're writing on things many would prefer not discuss is truly inspirational. I for one do admire you're writing abilities please keep it up.

\ Lots of "Creature Features" and our local ghoul "Svengoolie", who was in fact the local great "Jerry G. Bishop", at the time part of the local broadcasting team in Chicago with WFLD TV, Channel 32, Kiezer Broadcasting, which by now fo sho is, defucnt. We had a great time, what can I tell you................................................Pipes, lots of pipes.