From All Indications...

Absolutely. I was either tied up in knots while being laid off [4x in 4 yrs] or emotionally wrung out from the job itself [mortgage lending] while trying to support a family, keep my sanity, pay the bills, and plan for the future.

And while running that emotional gauntlet, tried to figure out what the deal was with my wife--we were growing apart, and I could scarcely count on her for support or affection.

It all finally came together. The marriage is so-so--I've written it off-- but I'm out of banking/lending, have no pressure at work, and am no longer angry for what our marriage could've been --I've built a life that doesn't depend on her support or input. Life is good.

Jon, how did you beat depression? Therapy? Drugs? Diet? Excercise? Or did you just get sick and tired of being sick and tired?

In my own experience, it just seemed to lift without much help from me. These days, I have an insulin pump, which allows me to maintain my diabetes under excellent control, and I am not suffering any deapression in spite of adverse personal and financial circumstances. It was all biochemical, after all.

I beat it by realizing that I was "allowing" myself to be depressed. I was thinking only negative things, and always seeing the darker side of everything around me. I was one of the world's giggest pessimists.

I turned that around by training myself to look for the positive side of events, and to remember that I COULD make a lot of things different if I kept trying. I remembered that I'm a pretty smart, capable guy who can do just about anything he sets his mind to. What I don't know I can learn.

But then mine wasn't a chemical imbalance, either.

I'm dancing with you, Jon. I've been there.

In my case, depression was a chronic, low-grade condition until it became a serious cancer of the soul during my mid-30s. I didn't want to admit that I couldn't beat this by pulling up my socks (as everyone thinks you should do, because the affliction is invisible).

What finally pushed me into treatment was a friend's diagnosis with aggressive breast cancer. The doctors gave her three years. I'd been having fantasies about bath tubs and razor blades. I thought to myself, "Why can't I be the one with terminal cancer, instead of my friend, who loves her life and is fighting to live?"

I eventually realized this wasn't right. If my friend had known what I was thinking (I was much too embarassed to tell her, or anyone), she would have called 911. I called a mental health clinic.

I've had my ups and downs since then, and am currently in one of my sadder phases--one friend recently dead, another soon to die. But sadness and loss are part of every life, not to be confused with depression, which is hating your life. It took me years to understand this difference. I'm grateful that I finally do. I wish you well with your new life post-depression. I hope you keep sharing your story, as you have done here on this site. You'll be bringing hope to countless people who have none, and who blame themselves for their illness.

Congratulations on your recovery. I hope it is long-lived and fulfilling. Sanity is a 'funny' thing. The longer it lasts, the deeper you question it's roots. My very best wishes to you, Jackie Rodzinski

Yes Jon, I have that moment frequently when I remember a stretch in 2002 when I was emotionally paralyzed. It was my own doing but paralysis nontheless. I also had a stretch of mental paralysis when my parents' divorced and I simply was not mature enough to cope with it. That stretch lasted way too long. But I do know the feeling of my mind shutting down and not being able to function beyond the moment at hand. Having gone through that, when I reflect upon it, I relish each moment when I learn from the past, cherish the present, and look to the future.

Congratulations, Jon--it is nice to hear of a success story. I am glad life has turned around for you and that you are finding some joy after your dark times.

My doctor just upped the dosage on my "happy pills" because I've been experiencing a bit of a harder time recently. That roller coaster called depression--spring helps and it seems to be here finally.

It was a year ago today that I quit my job--that had good and bad points but in all it turned out to be a positive move. I started back to school (after 31 years) and that is going great. I should be feeling on top of the world but instead I feel like I am walking on eggshells, waiting for the next crash.

Knowing that others have made it through and gotten on top of things is encouraging--thank you!