Sarcastic? Me?

Posted: Mar 24, 08 12:15pm

Sarcasm runs in my family. My father's sarcastic humor was so sarcastic that it was barely recognizable as humor. Even his pranks were sarcastic. On the Army post where we lived, everyone’s lawn was subject to inspection, with the worst lawn-owners receiving a warning, and the best, a congratulatory plaque, in the form of a beautifully painted sign suitable for lawn display.

My father had a friend whose unkempt yard drew warnings regularly. So as his idea of a joke, Dad had the congratulatory sign copied to the last curlicue, and installed it under cover of darkness on the weedy lawn. Then there was the time that I came home from school having completed some expensive orthodontic work. I walked in the front door to be confronted by signs all over the house reading "$MILE." That was Dad.

My sister and I inherited the sarcasm gene, or maybe we just developed it in self-defense. Of course, our sarcasm was a much more moderate form than our father's take-no-prisoners version -- or so we believed.

Then we compared notes and discovered that we'd both had the same experience. What we intended as harmless teasing was often not experienced that way by its subjects, a.k.a. our victims. This would astonish us. “You think THAT'S sarcastic,” we’d say; “You should have heard my father!” Well they didn’t, luckily for them. Their sensibilities had not been toughened during childhood, and the result now was hurt feelings. I decided to change my ways and over time learned to dial it back until I was no more sarcastic than the next (sarcastic) person.

Lately, it has occurred to me that the time has come to abstain from sarcasm entirely. A friend who is a college teacher told me that as she has gotten older, she's sensed a change in the way her students perceive her. In earlier days, her acerbic banter and spiky personality were assets in connecting with her students.

A smart-mouthed, strong-minded young woman is an admired cultural archetype; new ones spring into life every television season. The same sassiness in middle age can come across as scathing, caustic, derisive, withering, scornful. I'm finding sarcasm harder to give up than miniskirts and bare midriffs, but I guess it's time to accept that it looks better on the young.