Good question--I got a pm from a fellow tbd'r who said she was leaving. I'm sorry to see her go as I consider her a friend but we'll continue to pm. Others are leaving as well.
Some threads aren't as friendly as others. In fact, some get downright mean & nasty--this could be a reason.
Usually most tbd threads & discussions are enjoyable places to interact. Some get a little tense now and then but among friends, that is alright and can be sorted through. I think that some discussions get to be more like private conversations and that puts some people off.
I feel this site is great for socializing with people in their 40's and older but I think people are also looking to meet other people for dating also. Maybe there needs to be a way to connect if they want to this is a site to meet acceptable people
How many are leaving? Call me nieve but I haven't noticed. Is it thin skin? For me it is a fun free place and if there is a problem put it out and lets discuss it.
I think everyone is here for different reasons and I don't think the format right now is tolerant of that. I think the groups should be highlighted much more, so that everyone will be able to find places where they are comfortable to be who they are.
With the alerts not being engaged and in some cases there being no opportunity to alert at all, people are turning to the general open discussions in order to alert their "fellows" to their posts. I do this.
Nobody will see my post if I put it in one of the gazillions of group posts lost in the bowels of the site. I'm here for interaction and the groups just don't spark much of that, as it is.
Your post and mine crossed (we were writing at the same time.)I think you are so right about the groups - I have tried over and over to prod certain groups into activity, but to no avail Who even knows that a topic has been raised there?
You are Positively Right Ultimately - I bet that is what Pru stands for.
Eye has broached a topic that I too have been trying to wrap my mind around and initiate a discussion on. I had been slowed down by wanting to wade through the whole discussion on community to make sure I hadn't missed anything.
I feel like the boundaries here are too permeable - there are clearly different reasons for coming to TBD - two of which seem to come in conflict - those that come to socialize and engage in light chat and those who come for serious, more intensive interaction. I happened upon a close friend here and discovered that we represented these two disparate groups.
It bothers me when interesting discussions get distracted by long threads of silly banter, because it is hard enough to keep up with posts as is. I also enjoy the silly banter at times, but feel like there are places for this and there should be places for serious discussions without ad hominem attacks. The groups are fine, but as noted elsewhere they don't get much publicity and I think Public discussions should also have the chance to be serious.
To combine this with at least one other thread I have noticed about loneliness and the desire for friendship, it seems to me that some of us here do want to form lasting, in depth friendships by exchanging opinions and giving support. (Not all of us live in a large city where we have access to crowds of people from which to find like-minded or otherwise stimulating friends.) Many of us are finding ourselves lonely in the second half of our lives. I live in the US and our society does not encourage long term, close relationships. We are over busy, over stressed and no longer have the opportunity to sit in a quiet tavern and actually listen to what others have to say. We have little time to get to know our neighbors and community is hardly modeled anymore because of the tendency to partition our lives into little parcels of activities.
This is not off topic, because part of community is learning to co-exist with the people around one. I was always amazed in German villages about the fact that regardless of people's politics, they cared for each other. They took care of the town drunk even though they didn't love finding him asleep on their lawns. They helped Frau Schmidt out when she broke her leg even if they disagreed with the way she treated her grandson (etc.)
In the Community post someone mentioned the history of groups as "forming, storming, norming and performing." It is time for some norming before too many people leave.
It is time for people to be able to indicate that they want to hold a serious discussion and to be able to do so. (Likewise there should be plenty of space for playful banter also indicated at the beginning of the post.)
It is time for us to have compassion for those around us that post for a variety of reasons. Some of us are needy, self-centered, emotional, flawed (Most of us are in some way), but can we refrain from pointing out the personal flaws as opposed to engaging the actual topic raised?
Why are people leaving? Their feelings are hurt. They are not finding what they came for. They are over-sensitive. They are feeling bullied. They don't feel like they can speak comfortably or safely.
We can do something about this and should try to do it now.
And, I was touched by your reference to German villages. My Mother was from Germany; I still have family there and you are correct about how they look after each other. My grandma is 88 years old and her neighbors check on her every day and always have.
WS..excellent Reply to the question..Banter is so much fun...But not on almost every public discussion that gets started...The "In The Community" discussion was the perfect example how it goes totally wild with just one reply...My replys to what I was seeing happening over and over again was not a sticking up for anyone in pedicular it had to do with TBD as a whole...I dont know how any new member could feel comfortable posting on what seems to be a serious question being asked to end in a few members bantering back and forth about what seems to be a private joke...I usually avoid the whole thread but between so many members telling me about this in PM's and mentioning thinking about leaving (something I almost did a few weeks ago) I just had to jump in and maybe wake a few up to see...Maybe this is kinda wrong to be doing in a group for over 40's..
Living abroad for a decade now, I find in the EU, because of a more liberal socialist environment, people have each other's backs more so than in the USA. They look out for each other because it's the right thing to do.
I didn't see that as much in the US, indeed the greed egocentric motive is much stronger. For some the motto is more "looking out for number 1" and making sure "I got mine!"
While the tendency is to label one right or wrong, both are oth depending on one's perspective.
We live in such a polarised world that it is almost impossible for any one site to handle it. Obama's speech in Philadelphia was unique because it was measured and he saw all sides, yet gets lambasted for it.
There are churches that claim to be Christian, yet make a public mockery of one of the most important teachings from the carpenter from Galilee - tolerance.
My theory, expressed many times here, is that folks are looking for something that helps them to (at least temporarily) feel secure. Looking for love, intimacy, safety and security on the Web?!?!? Where anyone can be whomever they create and say whatever they want?!?!?!? I wish Obama's anthropologist mother were still alive to examine this, indeed when we are an ancient civilisation, what will be said about the harm our wasteful ways did to our own planet?
TBD is a website. It's run by people who want to make a profit. You can come here have a few laughs, share some stories and at the end of the day, as my Dutch wife says when a string of Aaron Sorkin dialogue leaves me in awe of the ability to create music from words, it's a tv show, it's not real.
It's just a website and it's as real as you make it and... it's just a website...
Thanks to all who replied to my post. I am very appreciative of the support. D2, BtoSB, Doreen, Pru, Akabukowski, Joe and everyone. I think we have to be brave enough to occasionally ask our friends to separate their opinions from their emotions and also to consider where what is being posted even though it may at times make us unpopular with some of our friends. We can only hope the bonds are strong enough and the friendship true enough to allow for some gentle chiding on occasion.
I haven't seen anyone say they are leaving, but I can tell you why I am disappointed in the site.
I don't find the format very user-friendly. I think it would be helpful if the mail/message function was easier and if there was a chat function. As it is, it is very time consuming to wade thru page after page of posts to "maybe" find something of interest - I just don't have the time for that.
I don't anticipate staying around long for those reasons.
What I find more interesting is that folks actually have to make an announcement about it. If TBD (or any other group) is not their cup of tea, why not just leave (or PM their friends)? Why is it necessary to make a public announcement about it?
Do folks think they are so important that they will cause a mass exodus if they leave? Do they think that by making a public announcement of their exodus, they will cause TBD (or any other group) to instantly dissolve? Why would anyone care?
In many instances (and again, this is not just characteristic of this group but most Net groups), this is a form of ego gratificiation: This isn't the way I want it so I'm gonna take my ball and go home."
Actually, from what I've seen so far, other than a preoccupation with sex, this is a fairly reasonably and tolerant group. [Or maybe that's just the goups that I monitor 8^ )] In any group, you're never going to find something that will appeal to everyone; someone is going to be unhappy.
The folks who feel they must make a public announcement are probably folks who make little contribution, anyway. I can't say that I am happy with the "conversation" that I've found in every group that I've "joined." but you know what? It works that way in real life, too.
So if these folkks want to leave, I say, "Hasta la vista, baby. You want to leave? Leave! why make an announcement abou it?"
I agree what are we to do, bow to everyone's wishes or sometimes must people try to fit in. Perhaps the problem is with those choosing to leave and not with the site.
I am no brain surgeon yet I seem to navigate TBD and enjoy myself.
Hi, NIck, Thank you - I certainly think that ego gratification CAN be a part of it, however, many many leave without announcing it publicly - they simply disappear. If you hold your cursor over the names of people who have replied on older posts you will notice that there is no longer a link on quite a few of the contributors. Some of these people "announce" to their friends that they are leaving, some don't - the point (in my opinion) is that our community is weaker when we lose people - and especially when we lose people that are different from ourselves, because they give us precisely that view of ourselves that we can not see otherwise.
Friends that I know that left did so quietly. One didn't say a thing, I found out when I looked at my friends list and the link to their page was dead. The other, just left and let me know within minutes of her exit. The only reason she let me know she was leaving was so we could keep in touch via e-mail. (And, no, I won't name names. Go to your Friends List or the Members List and look for dead links.)
No one I know of has been egomaniacal enough to think that everyone is going to go with them. Nor are they making belittling speeches about it.
HumanBean -
That's a good point to mention. When I get what would actually be more of e-mail type messages, most people seem to think that they are private messages. When they make posts to these threads, a lot of them seem to have the idea that it's chatting.
I've given up on trying to explain the difference. However, part of me does wonder how many would be able to make the transtion and keep up with being in multiple real time chats at the same time. I used to do that kind of thing about 15 years ago, and I'd probably doing it now if I could find groups of people our age that chat.
With some of my friends who have left, they did PM their friends who they thought might be interested in keeping touch, but made an announcement in case there were any others that they missed who might want to retain contact. I know of at least one case, where the announcement did bring out at least one other person, who wanted to retain contact via e-mail. I can't answer for anyone else just the ones I know.
The others left quietly, and some did not even PM.
Another issue is the tbd glitches. I am locked out of this thread on my normal profile. Others have told me that they too are just fed up with all the problems, including not being able to put on, or take off alerts, high alert counts, being locked out, and any number of issues.
I wonder if people who announce that they plan to leave may not really want to stay. For whatever reason, they may have felt unwanted or unwelcome. You say "Why would anyone care?" Well, I believe WE should care....Isn't that why we are all here? Aren't we here to care and to help each other and be concerned for our fellow brethren? These people may have announced their intention because they want someone to ask "Why?" They want someone to care about them...or at least care that they have thoughts about something and dare to put them down for the world to see.
I guess I can't really speak for these people. These are just my thoughts on the matter. But, I doubt I'm too far off the mark.
Well put, Nick! But then, some people will announce that they're going to the bathroom.
I've tried out several social networking (and pen pal) sites and this is the nicest one I've found in a long time. I *like* that it's not really set up as a dating site -- don't we have enough of those? I also like that I'm not cheek by jowl with high school and college students (they're great, but our social networks are a little different). .
I don't have the time to search for discussions so if something grabs me on the front page, there I stay.
As far as people leaving...it's called FREE WILL. If someone wants to leave, let them. If they are your friend, they will remain so. I had a friend leave & we keep in touch & may actually meet one day.
Posting freely: Yes, serious discussions go off track with banter. That said, the funny threads get killed by someone bringing it to a complete halt. The fun ends when they start on something totally off track.
Maybe TBD has caused an outbreak of ADULT ADD. It's seems to be an epidemic here.
I joined TBD this past fall and loved it! I found a wonderful caring community of people from diverse backgrounds and mindsets, which made it all the more appealing to me.
Then, just after Christmas, I took a leave of absence to give more of my attention to some personal and family matters that needed tending to. Since I have come back, I have noticed the same thing. Things are not quite what they used to be.
Could it be the seasonal shift? I'm not sure, but I sure miss the way it was!
There are still those lights here that drive out darkness. For that I stay. There are those that post good humor and the lighter side,those that post an argument waiting to happen and then sometimes the personal low blows begin. I have found that hurt people hurt people. I'm staying.
I have many theories about the "why" things have changed.
In part, it seems all the well-placed publicity TBD has done has backfired by drawing in the bottom of the barrel.
I am no longer very likey to be seen posting on the boards... I used to post several times daily. Now my gut tells me not to. I also removed much of the personal info from my profile. Actually, I am making it private for a while too. Let's see how things sort out in the next few weeks and months.
Several of my friends have left here. I miss them. I cant help but wonder if anyone (of course Froggy and Spuff, but we would stay in touch anyway) will miss me if I were to chose to leave....
Mariposa~ you were missed & I am looking forward to reconnecting with you on the threads. I'm sure LanSr is thrilled that you are back.
Joe~ unfortunately darkness is also attracted to light.
The experience here is what you make it. If you truly feel you found a friend here and they decide to leave, continue the relationship on the outside but for God's sake let them leave. The response should be, when someone threatens to leave, "Good luck to you".
Not seasonal but indeed a shift. No longer a fun club, a bigger web portal/presence. Size creates issues. There is no way to keep small and cozy when looking at a mass market which you have to do to keep investors happy.
It's a businessnow Toto... we ain't in Kansas anymore.
I don't think you have the bottom of the barrel. It's just that, as a site gets popular, you get more and more people visiting the site. By itself, this creates a new atmosphere, a new dynamic.
Think of parties/mixers/clubs that you have been to. Think of one where you have arrived among the earlier arrivals; soon enough, you will eventually obtain an almost proprietary air about the place. As more and more people arrive, the mood, the atrmosphere, the tone of the entire thing will change. It's not necessarily that things have gotten worse, they've just gotten different.
If you were looking for a small, intimate gathering, this may bother you. But it doesn't mean that the riff raff have suddenly arrived in the scene. think of it as folks arriving fashionably late.
Of course, among the new arrivals will still be the usual collection of anal cavities and folks that think they are "all that." So what? Ignore them. There are plenty of the other kind of folk around here, many of who are "new" arrivals, that are potential new friends.
I graduated high school over forty years ago. I'd like to think I learned something since then.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:08am
Good question--I got a pm from a fellow tbd'r who said she was leaving. I'm sorry to see her go as I consider her a friend but we'll continue to pm. Others are leaving as well.
Some threads aren't as friendly as others. In fact, some get downright mean & nasty--this could be a reason.
Usually most tbd threads & discussions are enjoyable places to interact. Some get a little tense now and then but among friends, that is alright and can be sorted through. I think that some discussions get to be more like private conversations and that puts some people off.
IE, What do you think are the reasons?
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:12am
I feel this site is great for socializing with people in their 40's and older but I think people are also looking to meet other people for dating also. Maybe there needs to be a way to connect if they want to this is a site to meet acceptable people
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:14am
Maybe some of the cutting, direct and personal remarks that are sometimes made...at relative strangers. The name calling can be awful.
TIE
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:19am
How many are leaving? Call me nieve but I haven't noticed. Is it thin skin? For me it is a fun free place and if there is a problem put it out and lets discuss it.
Posted: Apr 21, 08 1:32pm
I stay because of the friendship here and you can't get that anywhere else, The pages are all the same and that is good thing.
Everyone page the same and sometimes some computer can't do the great page stuff on them. We are all equal here.
It is quiet here too. We can talk out our problems if we have them too.. Open to others things too
Peace
Tea
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:28am
I think everyone is here for different reasons and I don't think the format right now is tolerant of that. I think the groups should be highlighted much more, so that everyone will be able to find places where they are comfortable to be who they are.
With the alerts not being engaged and in some cases there being no opportunity to alert at all, people are turning to the general open discussions in order to alert their "fellows" to their posts. I do this.
Nobody will see my post if I put it in one of the gazillions of group posts lost in the bowels of the site. I'm here for interaction and the groups just don't spark much of that, as it is.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:39am
Your post and mine crossed (we were writing at the same time.)I think you are so right about the groups - I have tried over and over to prod certain groups into activity, but to no avail Who even knows that a topic has been raised there?
You are Positively Right Ultimately - I bet that is what Pru stands for.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 12:30pm
Exactly Pru! If you want to talk to yourself just start a thread in a group these days.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 1:11pm
GG
I think no matter where certain people post we trollers will find you.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:36am
Eye has broached a topic that I too have been trying to wrap my mind around and initiate a discussion on. I had been slowed down by wanting to wade through the whole discussion on community to make sure I hadn't missed anything.
I feel like the boundaries here are too permeable - there are clearly different reasons for coming to TBD - two of which seem to come in conflict - those that come to socialize and engage in light chat and those who come for serious, more intensive interaction. I happened upon a close friend here and discovered that we represented these two disparate groups.
It bothers me when interesting discussions get distracted by long threads of silly banter, because it is hard enough to keep up with posts as is. I also enjoy the silly banter at times, but feel like there are places for this and there should be places for serious discussions without ad hominem attacks. The groups are fine, but as noted elsewhere they don't get much publicity and I think Public discussions should also have the chance to be serious.
To combine this with at least one other thread I have noticed about loneliness and the desire for friendship, it seems to me that some of us here do want to form lasting, in depth friendships by exchanging opinions and giving support. (Not all of us live in a large city where we have access to crowds of people from which to find like-minded or otherwise stimulating friends.) Many of us are finding ourselves lonely in the second half of our lives. I live in the US and our society does not encourage long term, close relationships. We are over busy, over stressed and no longer have the opportunity to sit in a quiet tavern and actually listen to what others have to say. We have little time to get to know our neighbors and community is hardly modeled anymore because of the tendency to partition our lives into little parcels of activities.
This is not off topic, because part of community is learning to co-exist with the people around one. I was always amazed in German villages about the fact that regardless of people's politics, they cared for each other. They took care of the town drunk even though they didn't love finding him asleep on their lawns. They helped Frau Schmidt out when she broke her leg even if they disagreed with the way she treated her grandson (etc.)
In the Community post someone mentioned the history of groups as "forming, storming, norming and performing." It is time for some norming before too many people leave.
It is time for people to be able to indicate that they want to hold a serious discussion and to be able to do so. (Likewise there should be plenty of space for playful banter also indicated at the beginning of the post.)
It is time for us to have compassion for those around us that post for a variety of reasons. Some of us are needy, self-centered, emotional, flawed (Most of us are in some way), but can we refrain from pointing out the personal flaws as opposed to engaging the actual topic raised?
Why are people leaving? Their feelings are hurt. They are not finding what they came for. They are over-sensitive. They are feeling bullied. They don't feel like they can speak comfortably or safely.
We can do something about this and should try to do it now.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:56am
Well said WS.
Is that what WS stands for...Well Said?
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:56am
Big Kudos to You, WS!
And, I was touched by your reference to German villages. My Mother was from Germany; I still have family there and you are correct about how they look after each other. My grandma is 88 years old and her neighbors check on her every day and always have.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 9:59am
Beautifully and compassionately stated.
Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:07am
WS..excellent Reply to the question..Banter is so much fun...But not on almost every public discussion that gets started...The "In The Community" discussion was the perfect example how it goes totally wild with just one reply...My replys to what I was seeing happening over and over again was not a sticking up for anyone in pedicular it had to do with TBD as a whole...I dont know how any new member could feel comfortable posting on what seems to be a serious question being asked to end in a few members bantering back and forth about what seems to be a private joke...I usually avoid the whole thread but between so many members telling me about this in PM's and mentioning thinking about leaving (something I almost did a few weeks ago) I just had to jump in and maybe wake a few up to see...Maybe this is kinda wrong to be doing in a group for over 40's..
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:14am
WS,
What a thoughtful, balanced and eloquent statement. Thank you for stating what I suspect are the feelings many of us share.
- akabukowski
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:18am
WS, wow, that was great reading.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:57am
WS, well said.
Living abroad for a decade now, I find in the EU, because of a more liberal socialist environment, people have each other's backs more so than in the USA. They look out for each other because it's the right thing to do.
I didn't see that as much in the US, indeed the greed egocentric motive is much stronger. For some the motto is more "looking out for number 1" and making sure "I got mine!"
While the tendency is to label one right or wrong, both are oth depending on one's perspective.
We live in such a polarised world that it is almost impossible for any one site to handle it. Obama's speech in Philadelphia was unique because it was measured and he saw all sides, yet gets lambasted for it.
There are churches that claim to be Christian, yet make a public mockery of one of the most important teachings from the carpenter from Galilee - tolerance.
My theory, expressed many times here, is that folks are looking for something that helps them to (at least temporarily) feel secure. Looking for love, intimacy, safety and security on the Web?!?!? Where anyone can be whomever they create and say whatever they want?!?!?!? I wish Obama's anthropologist mother were still alive to examine this, indeed when we are an ancient civilisation, what will be said about the harm our wasteful ways did to our own planet?
TBD is a website. It's run by people who want to make a profit. You can come here have a few laughs, share some stories and at the end of the day, as my Dutch wife says when a string of Aaron Sorkin dialogue leaves me in awe of the ability to create music from words, it's a tv show, it's not real.
It's just a website and it's as real as you make it and... it's just a website...
Posted: Apr 19, 08 6:15pm
Thanks to all who replied to my post. I am very appreciative of the support. D2, BtoSB, Doreen, Pru, Akabukowski, Joe and everyone. I think we have to be brave enough to occasionally ask our friends to separate their opinions from their emotions and also to consider where what is being posted even though it may at times make us unpopular with some of our friends. We can only hope the bonds are strong enough and the friendship true enough to allow for some gentle chiding on occasion.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:04am
I haven't seen anyone say they are leaving, but I can tell you why I am disappointed in the site.
I don't find the format very user-friendly. I think it would be helpful if the mail/message function was easier and if there was a chat function. As it is, it is very time consuming to wade thru page after page of posts to "maybe" find something of interest - I just don't have the time for that.
I don't anticipate staying around long for those reasons.
HumanBean
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:15am
What I find more interesting is that folks actually have to make an announcement about it. If TBD (or any other group) is not their cup of tea, why not just leave (or PM their friends)? Why is it necessary to make a public announcement about it?
Do folks think they are so important that they will cause a mass exodus if they leave? Do they think that by making a public announcement of their exodus, they will cause TBD (or any other group) to instantly dissolve? Why would anyone care?
In many instances (and again, this is not just characteristic of this group but most Net groups), this is a form of ego gratificiation: This isn't the way I want it so I'm gonna take my ball and go home."
Actually, from what I've seen so far, other than a preoccupation with sex, this is a fairly reasonably and tolerant group. [Or maybe that's just the goups that I monitor 8^ )] In any group, you're never going to find something that will appeal to everyone; someone is going to be unhappy.
The folks who feel they must make a public announcement are probably folks who make little contribution, anyway. I can't say that I am happy with the "conversation" that I've found in every group that I've "joined." but you know what? It works that way in real life, too.
So if these folkks want to leave, I say, "Hasta la vista, baby. You want to leave? Leave! why make an announcement abou it?"
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:23am
Nick
I agree what are we to do, bow to everyone's wishes or sometimes must people try to fit in. Perhaps the problem is with those choosing to leave and not with the site.
I am no brain surgeon yet I seem to navigate TBD and enjoy myself.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:35am
Hi, NIck, Thank you - I certainly think that ego gratification CAN be a part of it, however, many many leave without announcing it publicly - they simply disappear. If you hold your cursor over the names of people who have replied on older posts you will notice that there is no longer a link on quite a few of the contributors. Some of these people "announce" to their friends that they are leaving, some don't - the point (in my opinion) is that our community is weaker when we lose people - and especially when we lose people that are different from ourselves, because they give us precisely that view of ourselves that we can not see otherwise.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:50am
My friend just quietly left.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 2:47pm
WS,
I didn't know about the cursor thing...very interesting. What is your most recent count using this method?
Posted: Apr 13, 08 7:05pm
Nick -
Friends that I know that left did so quietly. One didn't say a thing, I found out when I looked at my friends list and the link to their page was dead. The other, just left and let me know within minutes of her exit. The only reason she let me know she was leaving was so we could keep in touch via e-mail. (And, no, I won't name names. Go to your Friends List or the Members List and look for dead links.)
No one I know of has been egomaniacal enough to think that everyone is going to go with them. Nor are they making belittling speeches about it.
HumanBean -
That's a good point to mention. When I get what would actually be more of e-mail type messages, most people seem to think that they are private messages. When they make posts to these threads, a lot of them seem to have the idea that it's chatting.
I've given up on trying to explain the difference. However, part of me does wonder how many would be able to make the transtion and keep up with being in multiple real time chats at the same time. I used to do that kind of thing about 15 years ago, and I'd probably doing it now if I could find groups of people our age that chat.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 7:46pm
Nick
With some of my friends who have left, they did PM their friends who they thought might be interested in keeping touch, but made an announcement in case there were any others that they missed who might want to retain contact. I know of at least one case, where the announcement did bring out at least one other person, who wanted to retain contact via e-mail. I can't answer for anyone else just the ones I know.
The others left quietly, and some did not even PM.
Another issue is the tbd glitches. I am locked out of this thread on my normal profile. Others have told me that they too are just fed up with all the problems, including not being able to put on, or take off alerts, high alert counts, being locked out, and any number of issues.
Posted: Apr 15, 08 3:08pm
Nick-
I wonder if people who announce that they plan to leave may not really want to stay. For whatever reason, they may have felt unwanted or unwelcome. You say "Why would anyone care?" Well, I believe WE should care....Isn't that why we are all here? Aren't we here to care and to help each other and be concerned for our fellow brethren? These people may have announced their intention because they want someone to ask "Why?" They want someone to care about them...or at least care that they have thoughts about something and dare to put them down for the world to see.
I guess I can't really speak for these people. These are just my thoughts on the matter. But, I doubt I'm too far off the mark.
Posted: Apr 17, 08 9:36pm
Well put, Nick! But then, some people will announce that they're going to the bathroom.
I've tried out several social networking (and pen pal) sites and this is the nicest one I've found in a long time. I *like* that it's not really set up as a dating site -- don't we have enough of those? I also like that I'm not cheek by jowl with high school and college students (they're great, but our social networks are a little different). .
Here's a tune for the exiting TBD'ers --
"And if you want to be [gone], be [gone]
And if you want to be [here], be [here]
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are."
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:19am
I believe in the KISS system.
K eep
I t
S imple
S tupid
I don't have the time to search for discussions so if something grabs me on the front page, there I stay.
As far as people leaving...it's called FREE WILL. If someone wants to leave, let them. If they are your friend, they will remain so. I had a friend leave & we keep in touch & may actually meet one day.
Posting freely: Yes, serious discussions go off track with banter. That said, the funny threads get killed by someone bringing it to a complete halt. The fun ends when they start on something totally off track.
Maybe TBD has caused an outbreak of ADULT ADD. It's seems to be an epidemic here.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:24am
BOOH YAAH Spuff
Posted: Apr 13, 08 12:44pm
Exactly. One thing I learned pretty early is that there is no true 'one size fits all'.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:21am
I joined TBD this past fall and loved it! I found a wonderful caring community of people from diverse backgrounds and mindsets, which made it all the more appealing to me.
Then, just after Christmas, I took a leave of absence to give more of my attention to some personal and family matters that needed tending to. Since I have come back, I have noticed the same thing. Things are not quite what they used to be.
Could it be the seasonal shift? I'm not sure, but I sure miss the way it was!
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:39am
There are still those lights here that drive out darkness. For that I stay. There are those that post good humor and the lighter side,those that post an argument waiting to happen and then sometimes the personal low blows begin. I have found that hurt people hurt people. I'm staying.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:47am
Mariposa, I miss the way it used to be also.
I have many theories about the "why" things have changed.
In part, it seems all the well-placed publicity TBD has done has backfired by drawing in the bottom of the barrel.
I am no longer very likey to be seen posting on the boards... I used to post several times daily. Now my gut tells me not to. I also removed much of the personal info from my profile. Actually, I am making it private for a while too. Let's see how things sort out in the next few weeks and months.
Several of my friends have left here. I miss them. I cant help but wonder if anyone (of course Froggy and Spuff, but we would stay in touch anyway) will miss me if I were to chose to leave....
Posted: Apr 13, 08 10:57am
Jaki~ you, my dear, are stuck with froggy and me.
Mariposa~ you were missed & I am looking forward to reconnecting with you on the threads. I'm sure LanSr is thrilled that you are back.
Joe~ unfortunately darkness is also attracted to light.
The experience here is what you make it. If you truly feel you found a friend here and they decide to leave, continue the relationship on the outside but for God's sake let them leave. The response should be, when someone threatens to leave, "Good luck to you".
Posted: Apr 13, 08 11:00am
Same her mariposa (hi jaki!)
Not seasonal but indeed a shift. No longer a fun club, a bigger web portal/presence. Size creates issues. There is no way to keep small and cozy when looking at a mass market which you have to do to keep investors happy.
It's a businessnow Toto... we ain't in Kansas anymore.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 11:18am
Jaki
I am sorry we bottom feeders have chosen to join. Maybe given a chance you will come to like us also.
Posted: Apr 13, 08 1:45pm
M-123 ..
I have not seen you for ages !! ..now I know why..I see your still playing with butterflys ..LOL
There has been a shift in TBD as you noticed..
Their feelings are hurt.
They are not finding what they came for.
They are being offended
They are feeling bullied.
They don't feel like they can speak comfortably or safely
(Thanks WS for the reasons)
IMO ..the comfort zone and ease of navigation are in trouble. Hopefully it will get better and the "Old Chi" will return ..I am Optimistic
Froggy
Posted: Apr 13, 08 2:39pm
I don't think you have the bottom of the barrel. It's just that, as a site gets popular, you get more and more people visiting the site. By itself, this creates a new atmosphere, a new dynamic.
Think of parties/mixers/clubs that you have been to. Think of one where you have arrived among the earlier arrivals; soon enough, you will eventually obtain an almost proprietary air about the place. As more and more people arrive, the mood, the atrmosphere, the tone of the entire thing will change. It's not necessarily that things have gotten worse, they've just gotten different.
If you were looking for a small, intimate gathering, this may bother you. But it doesn't mean that the riff raff have suddenly arrived in the scene. think of it as folks arriving fashionably late.
Of course, among the new arrivals will still be the usual collection of anal cavities and folks that think they are "all that." So what? Ignore them. There are plenty of the other kind of folk around here, many of who are "new" arrivals, that are potential new friends.
I graduated high school over forty years ago. I'd like to think I learned something since then.