A story almost in Haiku. Can't get much tighter than this, Mark.

An interesting concept and a nice idea. Have to say that the words "she heaved" stopped me right in my tracks. Using obscure or offbeat references means the writing gets in the way of the story . . . no small feat in something this short. A simple, "she said" is usually plenty when the dialog is this strong.

Cheers!

-M

This is great. I agree "said" would be stronger and maybe suitcases slap legs or calves. Where do they slap? And maybe only one suitcase? Really, though, it tells the complete story.

Mark, that is it. Striaght to the point.

I like it. I am with JSutton and Marilyn on heaved. I even had to pull my dictionary on your two line story ;-)

"Heaved" worked for me. The second sentence isn't needed. It explains and infringes on the reader's imagination. Overall, a good short story that sends this reader's imagination on a trip.

Re: she heaved vs she said, I say neither one. And I'm not so sure DeeCross is far off on the need for the second sentence. For me, the second sentence takes the story a nice extra step; it shows she acts on those spoken feelings in what appears to be a positive way from her perspective.

Good stuff, MarkTrost. I figured you for the shortest; you're holding up so far.

Thank you all for your comments. I enjoyed this exercise.