I think that you are the one who is being healthy. Negativity is hazardous to your health and so is living with a negative person. Do what you can to keep yourself healthy. Follow the advise that you get from your counselors. Your husband may benefit from a physical exam, but I'll bet he thinks that there is nothing wrong with him physically, either.

When you have decided that your marriage is not worth the risk to your health or when your husband's negativity finally does him in, you will have already built some healthy habits that will benefit you all the rest of your life.

Dear Ms.coldstate49, Your story sounded so like mine, I had to wonder who had come into my life and been so incredibly accurate. Of course there were some differences, I am older, been married longer and of course there is the gender bit, I am a male always been very positive. I am not an angel, I don't walk around with a grin every minute of the day, I do have a temper with a very long fuse, but it is there.I have no idea what possessed me to get married at a young age, but I did, sure I completed college and a master's degree which gave me some self respect. I knew it was my problem for that is basically the way I was raised, good parents, just not always terrible understanding of males (I was a brother with 4 sisters) so you catch my drift and then wonder upon wonders I discovered alcohol. What a day that was, I also found out a lot about weed and, of course, was brought up in the 60's, long hair, peace signs and the whole bit and my beautiful alcohol. I found a really good job that met all my desires and requirements,but through all of this my homelife never changed. So I drank more and more and finally all day long every day. Well an excellent friend of mine said enough and did a quiet intervention. That was years ago and no I am not cured, but I am sober today and was yesterday and hope to be tomorrow. So why the long story about me...because I turned everything over to my wife. When I wanted some of it back after 28 days of treatment, it wasn't going to happen and because of my addiction I blamed everything on myself. One of the classic guilt trips of all time. So why do I bring my story up when you are asking questions about yours...to hopefully show two things, one is any form of escape doesn't work...you never can run fast enough to outrun yourself and two no form or type of pill, booze or anything will change your situation. I know what kept me in my marriage was children and guilt. I don't know what keeps you in yours or how he was at the start or anything really so I would never put my LPC out there to say a thing as a professional, but as a person who understands, I ask a simple question, how long can you keep it up, you are living behind a mask...so did I and still do, except now it doesn't bother me a bit. I chose to stay for the reasons I stated above that doesn't mean they are good reasons, just mine. How long do you want to be miserable, how long before it gets way to much. You have been through counseling, how much of that is really practiced by you...leave him out...just you for you are the one that is important now. Yes I could go on and on like anybody can. I have already used up my daily supply of words, but I know freedom is something worth fighting for. So please go for it with support!

With Care and Hugs and Smiles,

Richard

Have you tried this? Anytime he says anything even remotely positive, reward him in a way he would feel rewarded.

Hi CocoandMe, I think your suggestion certainly is worth a try, I mean it is a case of using a classical conditioning technique which I think we would be alright to say an attempt at Behavior Modification. That treatment has worked at some fairly tough places and on some fairly tough individuals. Way to go with a practical idea. Probably beats, in a few words, what I had to say in a book. It is a left over from writing analytical reports, that is my excuse and I am sticking with it.

Good thinking!

Richard

Big Hug to you Coldstate49. You have it in you and are to me a very positive being. You are alive in your words, I know it. Being in any loving relationship takes work from both sides, NOT 1. When all efforts are exhausted, you need to really want to make a positive choice in your life, for yourself.

One of my solid principle 'rule' in life is I will not tolerate Negative people or situations that may bring me down. Downers are infectious, unhealthy and a waste of time. They're like Dracula who sucks your living energy. Doesn't matter how positive one can be; being around downers long enough they will drained you dry.

We are mothers with children and have other loving beings in our lives who deserve us at our best. We can't be our best if being 'restricted' and 'cripple' by other's unsolved issues.

Life is Beautiful and will end for me when I takes my last breath. Until then, I will Live Strong, Live Fully to the best of my ability and so my near and dear can in-turn benefit from my good spirit.

So coldstate49, keep on singing and humming, it is not only healthy but necessary to be alive.

My dear Richard, you sum it up in your last sentence.

Blessing to you,

Bridget

Thank you Bridget! Coming from you that is a wonderful compliment. A couple of big hugs to you.

Richard