1st post

How old is this kid? Are there privileges you can take away? What about a good ole swift kick in the butt? Never mind that one. Kids now would just sue you. Try something to let them know you mean business, and stand your ground. No matter how much it hurts either one of you.

If they don't want to follow the rules, they can always leave and not come back again.

I had the same problem. I had 3 boys 2 18 years old and 1 17 years old. I tried everything under the sun to get them to listen to me. After a year of non stop parties, refusing to go to school and back talking me, I moved out.

Quite frankly if they refuse to follow the rules, they must be taught that there is a consequence to their actions. Their age will help to determine the consequences.

Sounds like a little "tough" love is in order here

i know from personal experience that this is tough because you love them and want them "to get it" but i have to agree with everyone else...the best love is the toughest sometimes...i did the same as marilyn, sold everything and then there wasn't a place that my son could take advantage of anymore...he had to make it on his own and is doing just fine

you may not be able to do that, and in that case might have to just lay down the law...it is your house and you are the one paying for all the bills.

my oldest daughter came back after a time on her own with a vengeance...we took her in so she may get established...one day, i came home and a guy was asleep on my couch with nothing but a towel on...she was cooking him dinner with the food we paid for...i panicked, called her in my room and said the obvious...she pulled the "well any friend of mine should be welcome here" card...said that he offered her a ride home, and him being homeless heeded help...hello!!!...i said this is my house and a guest cannot invite another guest...she came back with the "i am not a guest, i am your daughter card" and i pulled out "well, if you want to start paying rent like any daughter your age should be, then we will talk about your guest"...she thought about it for 2 seconds...and said i get your drift...he left immediatly

i know what it's like girl...pull out the pay rent and abide my my rules card or get out and make sure it is enough to cover the cost of your inconveniences

good luck

I understand what you're going through. I went through

it with my own kids. My oldest was a little afraid of being on her own...a sweet kid, but a little too attached to her mom, so when she started college, I insisted that she

board there even though she wanted to commute. It worked; once she got a taste of being independent, she had a apartment of her own within a year and was fine.

The second, my son, went through a tough time,

something Joseph Campbell used to call "getting ugly in the kitchen". Also very attached to me, but trying

to be as nasty as he could in order to cut the cord, so

to speak. I went with it, as I saw what he was trying to

do, and he left home and became independent;)

My third was the toughest. This was the child who broke very rule she ran into. The one that had me in the police station for almost an entire year! The one

the school kept calling about. The one I threw out

three times, only to have her return three times and then had to throw out again. And if you think it didn't break my heart to do it, think again! The next time she asked to come home, she was pregnant. She was homeless, carless, friendless, broke and pregnant. So, I took her in....again! She and the baby stayed with me for the first six months after she gave birth since I wanted them both to have a good

start, but I made it plain that as soon as she was on

her feet, she had to be out. Luckily, having her

baby changed her dramatically and she managed on

her own and is now married and settled.

My kids always knew that there were rules and that

if they broke them, they would have to leave after the

age of 18. That was MY rule. The only exception I

made to that was if they were in college and/or were

gainfully employed while going to school. I think that's why my son deliberately broke the rules..it was his way

of cutting those ties that were holding him back from

being independent.

I agree that tough love is answer in most cases. We have to bend the rules in certain situations, and every kid is different. It's hard sometimes.

But, you deserve respect and it is YOUR home and if

they don't follow the "My roof-my rules", I would say

show them the door.