Posted: May 9, 08 9:55am
Yesterday I realized that I am surviving being a breast cancer survivor. Even after 10 years it still affects my life. Granted, not in a big way but I still think about it and see it (the scars) everyday. Don't get me wrong..things are good and I am healthy, but there it is, always. I am forever changed and wondering what things would be like now, what I would be like if this had not happened.
Imagine a flower before it blooms. It is wrapped up tightly and then slowly opens up and spills out all its petals. The first few years after surgery and chemo was about healing and getting stronger (you are tightly wrapped up in healing and emotional recovery). 5 years out about daily meds and making it to the 5 year mark (you are feeling more like your old self, opening up some and are encouraged about making it to this milestone). 10 years pass and for me it feels like finally waking up and realizing that I have lost a decade of my life in ways I didn't even realize. Hiding my scars, feeling imperfect and missing my old body the way it was before surgery and reconstruction. Anger? Maybe. 10 years later, still single and just now learning about how to deal with it in terms of dating and relationships...it is tough. Someone said to me yesterday "But you survived!" I see now the bigger picture...I didn't just survive cancer, I am surviving survivorship too.
