Maybe I shouldn't be in here b/c the description indicates this discussion is for people who have had breast cancer, but i wanted to say that I call those who dealt with that invasive cancer in their body "survivors" without even thinking about it--like I did in the email I sent you! Sorry to indicate that when you don't like to use the word. My bad brain. Survivvor to me means someone who faced something life-threatening and won--you did that. I have two close female friends, a few neighbors, and know of a good male friend of a good friend who survived breast cancer and I think y'all deserve the term "survivor." But I will honor how you wish to identify! ( :

I think those of us who have to sit and worry when a dear friend is dealing with breast cancer should get to be called survivors, too. It's a scary thing to all who must face it, whether for themselves or loved ones.

This is a great question - I would love to hear others thoughts...

I was diagnosed young (39) and was told from the very beginning that I would have chemo - simply because of my age, they would want to treat it aggressively. After surgery, tests, and time my oncologist and I decided that I would not have chemotherapy. I caught my tumor early (like you, in the shower), it was very small and there was no lymph node involvement. Then I took a new test (Oncotype Dx) that indicated that my chance of recurrence within 5 years was about 8% and if I had chemo, it would be reduced to only about 7.2% - my oncologist and I agreed that this was not enough for me to risk heart damage and everything else that chemo brings with it. Yeah, happy day!

But, I tried joining a support group for young breast cancer survivors and I didn't feel like I fit in. I felt like a whiner, actually, because everyone else had something "bigger" - chemo, mastectomy, reconstruction surgery, etc. They were welcoming, kind and loving, but I didn't feel like I had much to offer in return. So I went on living my life. I didn't hide the cancer in my past, but I didn't wear pink everyday either. I thought I was handling it quite well. I didn't refer to myself as a survivor. I would say things like "I had breast cancer last year" or jokingly talk about my run-in with cancer, etc.

Then, about 3 months ago, an acquaintance referred to me as a "breast cancer survivor" when I wasn't expecting it and tears sprang to my eyes - how embarrassing! Obviously, I still have some issues here. So, after much thought, I have begun to accept the idea of being a survivor because a diagnosis of cancer - any kind of cancer - is difficult and life changing. It's Ok for me to acknowledge that it was difficult and continues to be something that weighs heavily on me.

I think another reason I have a hard time with the word "survivor" is that it sounds definite - so I think of myself as "surviving". Everyday, I get up and go to a job I love, love my son, enjoy my friends and do the best I can to be the best person I can. I did all that before cancer, but it does seem sweeter now. That is what surviving means to me - it means that I lived through something difficult and now my life is better because of it.

PS: I still don't refer to myself as a breast cancer survivor or wear pink ribbons, but I don't melt down when someone else does - so that is progress :-)!

My first exe is in her first full year of 'remission' as they refer to it. I was, and I suppose I still am, a member of her support group. I watched that disease take the last breath of someone, and I hope we can continue to be focused with our efforts to eradicate it.

Hi, Robin. Thanks for starting this conversation. My bout with breast cancer was 4 years ago, and I've never thought of myself as a 'survivor' just as I don't think of my friends who died from BC as 'victims'.

I don't like to use BC to define or label myself at all, except to be aware that it's something I've experienced, along with many other things, and it's certainly had an impact on my life.

I can relate to your experience with the support group. I was able to avoid chemo and radiation and initially felt that I was less worthy of support. Fortunately, the wise woman facilitating our group reminded me that BC is not a competitive sport :-) We all face challenges in dealing with our diagnosis, treatment decisions, etc. I found that I needed the support of the group the most after I'd recovered from surgery and suddenly I had to once again deal with some difficulties in my life that had been pushed to the back burner while I focused on the cancer.

I like your distinction between "survivor" and "surviving" and it's great that your life seems sweeter now.

Dear Robin,

I also don't like using the term survivor since I haven't survived anything yet. And "YES" the cancer could come back. My Mother was a fighter not a victim even though she lost her life to cancer. When the subject comes up in a group conversations I don't say much unless asked. I just share what has happened to me and my mom, tell them what I am doing to try and make sure the cancer doesn't come back. And if asked, what they should be doing to try and not get cancer themself. I tell them it's never too late to change some of our bad habits, such as eating the wrong things, not exercising, not taking time for ones self to rejuvenate and destress. Rethink our environment and surroundings. Getting rid of toxic people in our liefs. Things I never thought of until I got cancer. Most young people start to realize where they are heading with their "LIFESTYLE"

and want a change. So BC does not identify me as a person but it has helped to form the new me. To look at life with real meaning and to take every precious moment to heart. If I could help one person to change their life so that they never have to go through this then I have done a great justest to the meaning one less. I am not a "Survivor" I am a "Fighter"! Like my Mother before me.

Sincerely,

Golden Eagle Women

Yes, i do, My sister survived it 8 years now with no recurrence, thank the lord. It runs in our family and thanks to the Lord i have no signs of it. My sister had reconstructive surgery and is doing very well. she now talks with people about their cancer and tries to reassure them.