Well, since you can't really smack 'em (I am referring to the "asshole" thread, where some guy seemed to think that physically abusing children was the best way to keep them in line---ugh!), you have to find another weakness and exploit it to a proper benefit.

All I can ever think of is that teenagers rely on their parents for their mobility. Whenever she mouths off, take away "one free ride" to wherever.

And let me know how (and if) that works...

Sometimes, you have to choose between being a washrag and standing up for what is right. When you are up against an eleven year old, she is just testing to discover how much she can get away with. You can't tell her to shut up like she is telling you. There has to be rules and consequences. Had one of my kids disrespected a grandparent, he would have been dismissed from the room and sent to his room for a set amount of time. He would not be allowed out until he had apologized to his grandparent - even if the grandparent had already gone home! Telephones still work.

If you allow your child to disrespect a grandparent and a parent, how do you think they will operate in school or when they have a boss. Childhood is a period of life when you either learn how to respect the rights of others or not. Those who don't learn become disrespectful adults - that simple!

So, sit her down and begin to set rules that either she follows or there is a meaningful consequence. If she loses out on a trip to the mall, or a pizza, it will hurt far more than if you scream at her. Screaming makes you look like an idiot and she knows she's got you.

Also, this is an issue for you and your husband to handle as a couple. Most of the time, when a child disrespects one parent it is because the parents disrespect each other and the child is just a mockingbird sent by God to show you that you need to do more than simply get a child in line to have a decent life.

Sorry to be so harsh, but kids that age will do only what you allow them to do. Force never works in the long run. You have to use the same tools that the real world uses. Disrespect your boss - you get fired. Disrespect a teacher in college - you get thrown out of the class and get a failure. Disrespect your spouse and ... well, and the child may mimic the parent who is doing the disrespecting!

If I have said anything offensive, so be it. You either work on this issue now ... or it works on you later.

That's easy LET HER KNOW WHOM THE ADULTS ARE if you do not make her understand this now someone other than a family member might, and they wont be so nice as you are, that's a NO-NO and she is just 11 years old doing this already can you imagine what she'll be like at 13 or 16? get that mouth in control.

Not offensive at all-I appreciate all the comments/advice.

Also, when she said "shut-up" to my mom she said it while she was laughing so I didn't think a lot of it, but apparently my mom thought differently. She did the same thing to her dad and got grounded for it. So yes, obviously I need to put a stop to it. She must be stopped..(:

My feelings exactly. You need to nip it now. It should have been nipped earlier, ideally, but now rather than later. My son is nearly 12 and my daughter is 9 and they know not to tell each other to shut up in front of me, but I know they say it when I'm not in the room. But I would never tolerate their saying it to me or my parents, or even their dad, even as little as I care for him these days. It's simply not an option. Kids have to know how to be respectful. If you don't train them young, they'll never know. Physical punishment doesn't work--I never used it. You can always find a more effective weakness,that doesn't set up such an adversarial relationship between you and the child. It just depends on the individual. And whatever method you decide on, you have to stick with it. Buy a good book, written by a good professional. That's what I did, back when my kids were toddlers. Now they're well-behaved adolescents. They have their moments, but for the most part, they're pretty good kids.

I know how that can go. My mom tends to take things a bit more seriously than I do. Usually it's something between me and the kids, and my mom gets involved, where I know they're just joking around, and she thinks they're misbehaving.... It can get a little hairy.

It does get hard, when you're the main parent, and you're around them all the time, and you know what they *really* mean, but no one else gets the joke....