It's actually within you...my oldest lil angel left when she was 17 (I realized I had done the same to my parents when I turned 17). At that moment it clicked and I began treating her as an adult and friend versus the little girl I 'Needed to Protect'...and everything came together...

I'm a single parent and raised my daughter. She left last year and walking by that empty bedroom was NOT my favorite thing to do. What made it worse was that she just did it so naturally and without tears. How could she just leave after we were joined at the hip for all those years? I was the co-leader of her Girl Scout Troop for cripes sakes!! And on-and-on.

It takes time. Let the tears flow or whatever is happening. Keep in touch but let him breathe. The more you are able to show him your trust and pride the better things will be when you are together.

The worst thing you could do is to try and salve your feelings by being aloof. Just let him know you are there for him. Send him a hand-written letter telling him how much you love him and miss him and are proud of him but that you respect how important it is for him to grow and have experiences now on his own. Tell him you're still there for him. Ya, he knows all this stuff but he STILL needs to see and hear it. He'll "get it" now or later.

You've done an excellent job and he knows it. But it won't hurt to give him some reassurance that things are still GREAT between you - no resentments or regrets.

I didn't raise my kids to be extensions of my life. I raised them to be strong and to make their own lives. I celebrated every step of my son's growth from the first day he stepped on a school bus at 5 to the day he left for college 12 years later. I celebrated when he spent years living thousands of miles from home and even more when he moved back to 80 miles away.

His life isn't there for my pleasure or entertainment. It is there for him to fly as high as he can. You buy a loneliness ticket from having a family at home the day you enter into the manufacturing of kids business.

The best way to take care of the empty spaces they leave is to fill them with meaningful people and activities that you bring in the old fashioned way - kidnap them at the local tappie and when you get them home, handcuff them to the steam pipes!

I'm really not a teen parent any more but I just wanted to say that my youngest left in 2001 to join the Air Force, 2 weeks after he graduated from high school - and I'm still not over it...much to his dismay!

Hi Trebor - just go with the flow. I found it extremely daunting at first too but with time it seems to get easier. It sounds like you've done a wonderful job as a parent and I'm betting you'll find that the love and trust that you've instilled in him will continue to grow. He will want to keep in touch with you as you have a close relationship.

I like everything Psychodoc had to say so won't repeat any of that.

Just make sure he knows how important he is to you and then focus on getting that 14 year old to the same place as your eldest.

Good luck to you.

Some great advice here many thanks for your great comments.

I need to focus on the positive ....reflection is good but we all need to move fwd.

Need to work on the younger boy getting exactly what he wants out of life ...

God this parent thing aint easy

LOL

Rob

Rob,

Boy you got that right! I too amy letting go of my child, in fact I moved her into the her dorm today.

I handled it by knowing that we were both starting new chapters in our lives and while there will be tears, they are tears of joy.

I have to say that I agree with everyone who has said to not hold your emotions in. Let him know how you feel about him and this next step in his journey. How much you love him, are proud of him and support him.

Then let him go!

I hope this helps!

Blessings!

Harry