I have no specific advice, but will think about it. I just wanted to comment that the way you wrote this really suggests to me that you are a good parent (like I'm any kind of expert - but that's the way it hit me!). You're up against a situation with no clear right answer and you know it. That's the right place to start.

Here's a thought. He's old enough to talk to about your own past in a peer-to-peer sort of way. My guess is that if you can do that and he sees your love for him in that, it could have a real impact.

Sorry if I'm telling you something you already know (that tends to happen on these discussions because we get just the tiniest snapshot of people's lives).

TO PS:

I discovered my own 17 year old son was "dabbling" because I came across a letter he was writing. He got upset at me for reading it (it was in his room), but I think that I did the right thing.

The most important thing is to have a good relationship with your child so they care about what you think. I read somewhere that if you want to talk to your teenager, go for a drive. We have the best talks in the car (when he is driving) because then he can look at the road and not think about what he is saying. He usually "spills the beans". He confided in me about what was wrong (why he was doing what he was doing) and things got straigtened out. He now wants to go to college, his grades are good, he is keeping a steady job -- in all, life got turned around because I noticed that letter. I often wonder if he sub-consciously left it laying around for me to read (it was just open on his desk).

Well as you are painfully aware, if he is in college he is of adult age and the only thing you can do now is give advice.

I agree that he is old enough to share your experiences with him. I know several young adults who I have worked with have really appreciated me sharing personal things with them.

Remember to try and do it without being judgmental and let him know that you love him and are there for him.

My thoughts and prayers go with you!

Blessings!

Harry

First of all, I commend you for not overreacting to the young man's problems. As a parent, that is often the hardest thing to do.

All you can do is present him with the facts as you see them, tell him he is an adult and has to make his own choices and that if he fails in his choices, don't give up. As long as he is breathing, he has another chance to get it right.

It sounds like depite all the addiction in the family, you came out with a ton of common sense - even if you got it the hard way. Give him the tools not the leash. A leash will keep him in line only as long as you are there to control him. The trools will allow him to see - even while he is screwing up a small part of his life. Maybe he has to learn the hard way and work his way through night school after he gets dunked by his own choices.

You know what they say? You can take a horse to water, but a pencil has to be lead!

Good luck. I'd say, "I'll pray for him" but God is funny about the young. He often will do nothing but give them the ability to learn from their mistakes rather than taking away their right to make them.

My daughter did E,weed,drank and a few other pills...believe it or not...she out grew it...My father was addicted to drugs...he passed from AIDS. My daughter's father was a hardcore addict. He got help....Me, I'm a punk....(nuff said) But anyways, the more I pushed the "Leave the drugs alone" line on her, the more she did. When I finally gave up on it, she stopped doing it. I guess the fun wore off (I've NO CLUE).

I wish you luck with your son...I KNOW I did not give any good advice...just wanted you to know I understand and I've sooooo been there.

Thank yo so much everyone for your input. I really really appreciate it!!!

I would definitely drop the funding for his college. He is the first born which means he wants to blaze his own trail, and he will learn from his own mistakes. But, when the money dries up, it will make him think.