Well Vera,

Boy, 19, what an interesting time in a young man's life. You want to be a man but are usually not as mature as you would like to be.

Here is my advice. You have several choices here. First of all you could tell him that you agree to pay for the school but only if he remains under your roof until he graduates. Or you could just pay for it and hope for the best. Or finally, you could tell him that he is welcome to move out but if he does you will not be able to pay for his schooling since he is now an adult and on his own.

I am sure there are other options but for sure you need to communicate with him. Tell him your misgivings about his current path and make suggestions as what he could do better but remember two things: Technically he is an adult and as such you really are now in advisory mode. Secondly, do it all from a position of love.

I do not know what kind of relationship you have with your son but if it is good, then he should be open for a very "adult" discussion. You cannot however live his life, no matter how much you want to protect him, he has to experience things on his own.

I may also point out that there are two ways to do things in life, the easy or hard way and try to get him to see that the easy way is much more fun.

Good luck and blessings to you and your son!

Harry

WOW! See how he does in school and give him some rules on this. I mean how is he going to study in a house full of wild crap going on. Granted you can't expect him to follow rules if you're not there. I'm sure if he was paying for it himself he'd take it seriously then.

That first semester should give ya' an insite to where he's at. Let him know, I'm not paying another penny if your grades are shitty but, I can give the job section from the paper and a nice red marker.

BETTER SAID THAN DONE....(I'm coming off as Ms. Know it all and I'm not in your shoes...sorry!)

I also agree with Harry....

I SO WISH YOU LUCK!

You have some power over him. It is not the old power of "do it because I'm the parent." It is the power of the pursestrings. It should not be to try to make him do anything but should put him into a position where you will not pay for choices that you don't agree with.

Being an adult starts with paying for your choices and I mean both financially and in terms of taking the responsibility for the outcome. You are paying for his choices of being a slacker and going to some school that he may not have the motivation to graduate.

If this were my kid, i would match him dollar for dollar but he would have to come up with half the money. That means first a job, saving half the tuition and then, you and he agree to a plan for how and where he will live while you are subsidizing him.

If he wants to be an idiot and hand with other idiots as his lifestyle. Oh, well. He is an aduklt - legally. But you shouldn't give financial backing to such a plan.

What he wants isn't important right now (for YOU). It is what is the responsible way for a parent to act under the circumstances.

Good luck.

I would not bankroll him. He needs to show some growth before you toss 1100 his way.

I told my kids I am not the type that pays the tree service before they trim my trees, but after they do the work. I think if he wants to go off and live with a bunch of friends, Mommy isn't going to finance the fun. But if he makes an effort and makes passing grades, you will do your best to help him financially

As it goes...He did not move, he began school, CNA Classes. He begins phlebotomy 11/22. I can not believe it but he is studying too. I told him the CNA has some job placement and assistance. (He needs to realize the mohawk has to go). He can build a career out of this. The next step would be LPN, then RN. At least he will have medical coverage. Mommy does have a big baby, but, I keep loving.

Vera, praise him for making a positive decision. Sometimes, they fool you and grow up right before your eyes. Just be prepared in case he slips backwards. I hope not but just in case ... have a plan B in place.

Sometimes, it does pay to get up in the morning!

I feel ya...my 19 yr.old Stanton gifted child is doing the same thing. He is witty, extremely creative in his writings and speech,he's mechanically inclined, plays guitar, keyboards, a little bass, is going to college here at home (long story short-he got a 100% scholarship out of town last year and majored in party- so he lost it)...and is still unemployed. He can't for some reason find anything or anybody to hire him. Well, his hair is long and curly and his favorite outfit is baggy shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops...and he wonders why. You would think someone who is as smart as him would figure it out but I guess he got the book smarts and other talents and when God was handing out common sense he didn't get in that line.