Posted: Oct 10, 08 7:19am

We revisit this subject just because there is so much fodder out there. I’m always reminded of the man who ran the company I used to work for. He was (and I’m sure still is) such an asshole that I used to picture him in brown UPS shirt and shorts instead of his corporate suit. That vision along with the mid-calf brown socks always made me giggle as I passed him in the hallway. I think he sensed it, and the next time I run into him, I may just tell him that.

We see people whom we know have stood in front of their mirrors of a morning and with an approving wink at themselves, gave a fist pump as they walked out of their houses, assured of the fact that their sweat-suit would be the perrrrrfect attire for attending the Opera performance that night. We get the fact that the A-Town is a casual place, but come ON!

And, how about the women who don their shorty shorts with varicose veins sticking out and spider veins that have exploded around their ankles for all the world to see because they’re wearing flip flops? You have to be MIGHTY YOUNG to get away with that...and even then, you’d better not weigh in over 100 pounds because it just doesn’t work.

The fashion police are always watching! Luckily, Sal and I live together, so if one of us has something on that is completely unsuitable, the other one has every right to point at the offending garment or accessory and slowly shake our heads with a demure tsk, tsk, tsk thrown in. We know it’s time to rethink the costume we wished to visually involve the rest of the world in that day. The Ancient One, however, has NO right to say ANYthing about our attire considering that she sits on the couch in her faded, purple velour robe with the spaghetti stain on the front. She still tries, like the other day when I was flying out the door, late for a lunch meeting, and she suggested out loud, “Is that the top you’re going to wear to LUNCH?” Since there’s no winning with her, I just shook my head and ran out the door. I did ask Sal later in the day whether my outfit had been appropriate, to which she replied, “Damn skippy, you looked adorable.” I will always thank her for that remark.

Just remember, when you’re giving yourself that mirror fist pump and happy with your choices, we’re out there and if we had any balls, we would politely say, “Darlin,’ I’ll bet you meant to wear a black belt with those black pants because THE WHITE BELT AND SHOES JUST DO NOT WORK! We’ll be happy to give you a lift to the nearest clothing store and help you if you’d like.

We’re nice like that here in Texas, but we aren’t kidding!

KK

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Yesterday was a typical example of the different ways of thought on how to dress when going out into public. It doesn’t matter where you are going. Please get your shit together and make yourself presentable when leaving the house just so you can feel like you are enjoying your life. People will appreciate it, especially me.

Our BFF Pam had to go to the doctor’s office to get her leg re-bandaged after arthroscopic surgery on her knee. She was also to have some rehab in the form of riding a stationary bike and doing exercises that involved bending and putting weight on the said joint. And how did she dress for this occasion? Black pants, turquoise blouse, silver and turquoise earrings and bracelets and black ballet slippers. Her hair was perfect and her mascara-ed eyes sparkled. Now that’s class.

As I sat outside and read a book on the curb of the medical building, I couldn’t help but notice the people entering the big glass doors. This was a magnificent building with a giant paneled, beveled glass wall three stories high completed with a waterfall and rhododendron gardens growing through the levels of open spaces throughout. I felt appropriately dressed and decorated as I entered this splendid structure.

What the fuck are people thinking these days? Do they have no shame? I fully expected to see some trailer trash woman show up in a muumuu and curlers in her hair after viewing some of the patients going in for their appointments. One girl who looked to be in her twenties and was about forty pounds overweight, decided to wear safari short-shorts with the pockets sticking out from under the ragged edge of the front of her highly visible and quite substantial thigh. Her too-little purple, short-sleeved t-shirt was hiked up in the back to accentuate her ample fanny and I guess her silver sequined tennis shoes were just the finishing touch to this fashion statement. Sheesh. I wanted to chase her down and put my hands on her throat and yell in her face, “Have you no pride? When did you give up?”

And have you ever seen what people are wearing to travel by air these days? It’s great people watching but in a really bad way. We used to dress up in the fifties, sixties and seventies to take a flight. We wore our dresses and heals and even panty hose. We fixed our hair and looked like we were going to lunch at The Four Seasons. These days people just don’t care. They look like they had a bad night and woke up in somebody’s utility room.

Even if you are just going to the grocery store…set an example. Show that you have character and are looking for a boyfriend…I mean, uh… Anyway, if you are overweight, dress accordingly because I don’t want to see your waist muffin and camel toe when I’m reading a book outside the medical building. It’s just too much information and makes me think I’m in a third world country.

Ta ta for now as I’m going to the grocery store and then the post office. I have taken the time to look as cute as I can so in case I run into anyone with a modicum of class they won’t think I’m a homeless woman.

SalGal