A married man left work early one Friday afternoon.

Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys.

When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it.

After a couple of hours of shouting and swearing, she pointed at him and said "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?"

Her husband couldn't believe his luck, so he smiled and said "That would suit me just fine!"

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the cubicle next to me saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the toilets at a rest stop but I did answer, somewhat embarrassed: " Doing just fine."

And the other guys says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that!??

At this point I'm thinking this is way too bizzare so I say, "Ohhh... like you, just travelling east."

At this point I'm just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question: "Can I come over to your place?"

Ok, this question is wacky, but I figure I should just be polite and end the conversation.

I tell him: "Well, I have some company over so today is a bad time for me."

Then I hear the guy say: "Listen, I'll have to call you back, some idiot in the next stall keeps answering my questions, bye!"

All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. "Who Represents?" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com

2. "Experts Exchange" is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than "Pen Island" at www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try "Therapist Finder" at www.therapistfinder.com

5. There's the "Italian Power Generator" company,

www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the "Mole Station Native Nursery" in New South Wales, Australia. www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always

www.ipanywhere.com

8. And the designers at "Speed of Art" await you at their wacky

Website, www.speedofart.com

You may not get #6. They are probably trying to work out another web address! Any suggestions?

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"There's no need! I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, the doors open, and he rides the elevator down, down, down. When the doors open again, the senator finds himself in the middle of a beautiful green golf course. In the distance is an elegant clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in formal dress. They run to greet him, and they reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

Also present is the Devil, who is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before the senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

So 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns.

"Well, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, you must choose where you want to spend eternity."

He reflects for a minute and then answers, "Well, I would never would have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better satisfied in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator, and down, down, down he goes into Hell. Now, the doors of the elevator open, and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. And it's hot, hot, hot, and the odor is just horrible.

Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable. The Devil comes over to him and smoothly lays his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "The day before I was here, and there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland full of garbage, and my friends look miserable."

The Devil looks at the senator, smiles, and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us."

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Iarnrod Eireann.

Gentlemen,

I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day.

I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.

I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly, Patrick Finnegan

~~~~~~~

Dear Mr. Finnegan,

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.

The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely, Iarnrod Eireann.

~~~~~~~

Gentlemen,

I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history.

If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.

That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!

I want to live my next life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better everyday.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension,

then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in

spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap,

larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it will rise for as long as you wish" The guy asks, "What happens when I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned - it will not work again for another year."

Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123." He suddenly becomes more aroused than any previous time in his life - just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"