Katherine, being single as an adult when we didn't expect to be is really hard for all of us. At least those of us who were in this situation due to a divorce have our anger at our ex-spouse to carry us through. I would imagine that there is no rule of thumb on when widowed people start dating again. Hopefully, at some point, you'll meet someone who will spark that interest and you'll find yourself wanting to be with him. Don't do it because it is the "right" time to start or because you "should be going out again." Do fun and exciting things with good friends and family and let's hope that your path will cross with a great guy who is out there doing some of those same fun and exciting things

I agree with Talia. I'd also like to share what a widowed friend, a man, told me about life after the death of a spouse. He said he had an easier time dating--because he wasn't divorced. His widowhood earned him women's sympathy, and he wasn't burdened with trying to explain why his marriage failed.

Hi Katherine, I cannot relate myself to being widowed, but a good friend of mine died a year ago this Sept and I have seen what her husband has gone through. They were also high school sweethearts and had been together for over 30 years. He was lost more than you though because she took care of him and the whole idea of being alone was devastating to him. So he took up with someone within a short period of time - just to try to cure the loneliness. Just to have someone in the house. Thank goodness you don't sound like you will do that - being independent is a good thing. There are a lot of good people out there. There is also alot of fun and exciting things to do with friends and family like Talia said. Best of luck to you!

Oh Katherine, I know exactly what you mean. I lost my husband and best friend of 25 years to cancer 4 years ago and I am still unsure. In the past couple of months I have felt that I want to meet someone new. I am not one to live alone, yes I like alone time, but when it is not by choice, it is hard. Hard to come home from work each day to a dark empty apartment and no one to "be" with on the weekends. But, my biggest problem is where to meet single people my age. I moved here after his death and I don't know anyone except my daughter. She is 25 and making her own life now so I am alone a lot. Just keep trying Katherine. I have gone back to a therapist again and finally found one who is really helping me. It is a struggle but I have to keep going. I have to believe there is someone out there for me, otherwise, what is there? I will keep an I on your group and perhaps we can talk more.

ChristyLee

So how are things with you now?

11 years ago (I was 36), I lost my wife of ten years (we were together for 17 years). I dealt with it at first like most men, I drank myself through Europe for 4 months, then went back to work. In other words, I didn't deal with it!

I took the following year and spent time talking with other people my age that had lost spouses, because regardless of what anyone says, only someone who has gone through that type of loss understands. I also spent a lot of time with her sister with whom she was especially close.

I started dating again after about 14 months and for me, it was not a matter of comparing the persons, but the relationships.

Hi Katherine, I've been there, done that also. It's hard. But, there is a lot to look forward to also. Read the comments that are on the discussion board about the good things about being single. Some of those can give you another outlook. Although, a lot of those are written because people are "grateful" about being out of a relationship, but overlooking the thought that they might me in a different place than you are, the things they have listed are still advantages to some degree. Of course, when you really love someone and you miss them, you might also miss the snoring at night, the clothes left on the bedroom floor, and all those things that go along with relationships. I'm sure he's in a wonderful place now and though you miss him, he's being well taken care of. It's been a month since you wrote. I'd be interested in hearing how you are doing now and whether any of the comments you read on here have helped you any.