Well, Duta,

sounds like a simple dissolution may be going out the window for you (bummerr)

If your dissolution/divorce doesn't become too acrimonious, you will have joint custody. Hopefully, before you get in front of the judge, you and your soon-to-be-ex will have worked out the joint/physical custody of Owen. I'm unaware of shared custody. If you can't work it our, the judge will decree it. Unless it gets nasty, then the judge will appoint a guardian ad litem (friend of the child), and if you still can't work it out, foster care for Owen is a distinct possibility until you both get your acts together. Pray it never approaches that!

I'm sorry to read you are getting into the you said/did not/you did/didn't/ you never/quit generalizing/who's weekend/, etc parts of this situation. And clue time, Michele: it won't get any better, I'm sorry to say.

I am glad to see that to this point you are still sharing Owen's time as close to equally as you can. There's hope there the dissolution/divorce can proceed in Owen's best interests...

You'll be in my prayers,

blessings upon you and your house,

moi

Joint custody involves legal, financial, emotional, and practical agreements. Each is hard and when you put them all together, it is even harder. And then add to the mix that the "thing" being negotiated is the raising of your child- the most important thing in your life - it is amazing that anyone can actually do it.

Remember, if you and your husband agreed on everything, you might not be getting divorced. It sounds like you both want what's best for Owen - that's a good start.

May I suggest a mediator. There are so many variables in a joint custody agreement including the job schedules of parents, the location of the school, the interests of the child, the financial arrangement between the parents and on and on. They are way too complicated for many of us to deal with. A mediator can be jointly paid for which will keep expenses down and can help you do it in a friendly way. Any good family law practice will know where to send you for a mediator. I strongly encourage you to do this.

Good advice Talia!

A mediator is NOT a Lawyer?

I thought we would be able to talk things through this divorce, but he seems to have a different idea...

Thanks for the suggestion.

~~MKJ

Mediators are frequently lawyers, but not always. And when they are lawyers, this is a separate part of their practice. Often, lawyers who want to slow down or semi-retire turn to mediation. Go to http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/mediation/ for a more complete definition of what mediation is. If you can do it, it is a friendlier way to handle a divorce than with two expensive attorneys. Check it out and talk to your soon to be ex to see if this might be of interest to him

Let me share this, if I may. Based on my own experiences and environment... and years of observation... Regardless, of what you agree upon- how amicably you go about this... it will change. Note this about life. In your workplace, how many Human Resource Managers are there? Realistically, joint custody is about control. I have three daughters, two & 1/2 ex-wifes. (LOL!) Remember... things change. There are times when your child will be closer to you than the father. Then there will be a period where he needs the reverse. You said, that the fathers job is subject to schedule change. Umm... The hard reality is that we have to have jobs to be providers for our kids. I once sacrificed my family life to chase the 'american dream' Ha! I checked outa that, and found a better path. I suggest that you at LEAST tie it down legally, so that there is a primary parent. Truth be told, it usually is the woman. My middle daughter has lived with me the last, oh... 10 years. Wow. My oldest is on her own, and the youngest, 11... lives with her mom an hour 1/2 away. Now her and I have been around the block on this custody thing. But I relented. She does have the time, the finances and the opportunity to be a great mom. Sucked wind as a wife however. I must caution you. Be prepared to fight. Men usually want joint custody to defray high overhead of child support. Truth. And trust me ... he's getting advice on how to keep his cost down to have a life of his own. Oh my.. that's a great pic of you and your boy. Sending good energy to you. Cio~

Thanks, Obi-Wan.

I don't really care about the money. I make a good living, the only thing I ask of Owen's dad is to pay for his daycare (which is a tax write-off for him anyway).

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions. I will definitely keep you updated.

~~Michele