Groups

>

The Challenges of Being Single!

Join Group

Group admin:: ModeOne4Ever
Created:: August 8, 2007
: 1392 Members

Group Tags:

relationships, dating, single, online dating, divorce

Member Kudos

Helpful (1604)
Funny (528)
Inspirational (600)

Discussion Board > View Discussion

to start a discussion

Help - I'm developing feelings for a friend

Posted: Jul 6, 08 11:38pm

UPDATE: As of 7/12, this friendship (or whatever it was) is over. As I suspected, he was using me to get a job at the company I work for and as soon as he accomplished his goal, he decided not to have contact with me anymore. I've never been so blatantly used in my life. Since I am a helpful, giving person, the only thing I would have done differently is wait a bit longer to really know him before developing stronger feelings. Lesson learned.

________________________________

About two months ago I reconnected with an old high school acquaintance through another social networking site. We weren't friends in high school, per se, but we knew of each other. He just moved back up here from another state and we started hanging out. Prior to the move, he would call, email, or text me at least once a day. Now that he's here in the flesh, I've developed feelings for him. I'm almost certain he doesn't feel the same way and I'm considering ending the friendship because of it. I'm afraid I'll start expecting more than he can deliver and our relationship will become strained and/or I'll end up looking like a total idiot. HELP.

Tags:

Relationships

Give kudos

EMAIL THIS

57 Comments // 20 Members

richardT

Posted: Jul 6, 08 11:56pm

No. Dont end the friendship. Just keep your feelings to yourself like its a secret.

Your punishing him for no reason and yourself. Thats what i think.

Give kudos

Sister Golden Hair Surprise

Posted: Jul 7, 08 12:09am

richardT wrote:

Your punishing him for no reason and yourself. Thats what i think.

I understand what you're saying...but...there IS a good reason! I may be punishing him in a small way (I think he'd get over it real fast) but I would be avoiding the pain of rejection and me acting like an idiot. Why continue to torture myself? That's no way to live. I mean - it's not like I'm going to stop dating and trying to find someone...hopefully someone else will take his place in my brain. I guess I just have to hope for that.

Give kudos

richardT

Posted: Jul 7, 08 12:25am

Ok. Avoid the pain, rejection and acting like an idiot less one friend.

SNAP OUT OF IT! true friends are hard to find. Take a cold shower :))

Dont be mad ok..

Give kudos

Sister Golden Hair Surprise

Posted: Jul 7, 08 12:38am

richardT wrote:

Ok. Avoid the pain, rejection and acting like an idiot less one friend.

SNAP OUT OF IT! true friends are hard to find. Take a cold shower :))

Dont be mad ok..

LOL - not mad, promise! I'll go take that cold shower now. I'm gonna need it.

Thanks RichardT. :-)

Give kudos

Cathiosu

Posted: Jul 7, 08 7:37am

I've been in your shoes before. I actually confessed to my friend that I had feelings for him because I couldn't take the suspense anymore. Keeping it secret was eating me up. I was sad that he didn't feel the same way but relieved to have the issue off my chest. This happened nearly 10 years ago and we're still good friends.

Or it could be that you're taking feelings that you want to have for that "special someone" and transferring them to your friend. I ended up married to the wrong person by misplacing my feelings.

But whatever you do, don't end the friendship.

Give kudos

IsadoraAlman

Posted: Jul 7, 08 8:15am

At least explore the possibility that he's smothering feelings for you as well. Find some way other than a bald declaration if you don't want to do that. Ask him if he's ever had a friendship "catch fire" or if he can imagine the two of you ever being more than friends. I hear of so many stories where people missed a connection because no one spoke up, so I think it's worth checking out.

Give kudos

Sister Golden Hair Surprise

Posted: Jul 7, 08 9:03am

Cathiosu wrote:

Or it could be that you're taking feelings that you want to have for that "special someone" and transferring them to your friend. I ended up married to the wrong person by misplacing my feelings.

OMG - I seriously did not think of that possibility! I wonder if I'm doing that? Of course, I'm not so far gone that I think I'm in LOVE with him, that's for sure. So if these feelings are misplaced, it's only *like* at this point. And a very strong attraction. The attraction is real but not sure he's 'the one'. Thank you, thank you, thank you...I really appreciate this one! HUGS!!

Give kudos