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Group admin:: ModeOne4Ever
Created:: August 8, 2007
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relationships, dating, single, online dating, divorce

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Divorce papers are in, what now.

Posted: Sep 12, 08 7:58pm

So, it's really going down. My wife of 11 years (separated 2 months now) finally made it real and I received the notice from her attorney. I don't know how many of you have been through this but it sure feels painful. She first decided that our finances were not what she expected and started to feel trapped. Next thing I know is there is a small argument (our 3rd overall) and she's out of the house.

At first I thought this was her approaching menopause and her daughter going off to college, but her response was totally out of proportion. Suddenly there is this letter.

Now I have my two teenagers living at home, going to the local charter school near the house I just bought for us and she's suing so she can sell the house short and we end up on the street.

I never knew she was out of the relationship until the day of the argument. I really thought this was the 'love of my life' and we could sail through these times. Up until now, I figured this would take counseling, but now it's real.

The question is: do I just walk away and let her do as she wants, or do I stay in the house and keep the kids in the same school and say the hell with her?

Tags:

Divorce, School, Teenagers at home

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80 Comments // 34 Members

Cayennelin

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:05pm

Sounds like her anger and resentment go pretty deep. Right now your survival instincts are triggered. Not a good time to make decisions. You do have time to think things out (cool down period, etc.). It's never easy. Stay focused, don't fall into the same trap she has - take the high road for your kids sake. That doesn't mean be a dormat, just don't let her push your emotional buttons.

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Darkweis

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:07pm

GET an attorney asap.

your head will clear and you will be glad you did.

Men have rights and YOU need to be sure you know yours. GET AN ATTORNEY and dot just sit there walowing in your pain.

Be well,

Pat

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Cayennelin

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:09pm

Yes, the attorney is a given. You can't go through it without one. Doesn't sound like a case for mediation either

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Charmaine Rhea

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:13pm

OUCH!

If it were me doing it all over again (6 years ago)....I'd stay in the house, get the counseling you and the kids need, and build your life again.

It's tuff when you are the one thinking everything will be fine, we just need to get through this little bump....and then that letter shows up....

Put both feet down and fight for what you want...or at the very least make a list of what is truly important....custody....the house.....etc....remove as much of the emotion as you can.....and think about what is really going to matter when it's all done. As it goes on it will become more and more difficult to remember why your favorite towels really don't matter....

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freddiemd

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:16pm

Nope, I had asked for mediation several times but she kept asking what for. We had talked about sparing ourselves the expense so that some money could remain for my kids to have a college fund. We just sold a lot we had bought, but her attorney filed an emergency order to have the proceeds deposited on her trust fund. I'm just expecting to see a motion for attorneys fees submitted any minute now, so that no money will be left.

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Pearl

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:21pm

I am sorry to hear that you and your kids are going through this.Been in your shoes 2 times and a 10 year relationship after that. I was the one to call them off. Now don't think horribly of me until you give me a chance to explain.

First was 20 years or so, 3 kids.Separated twice back together and done within a year. I tried!

Second one lasted less than 3 years. Again I tried, talk about Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde, Must have been rebound.

Third, well what can I say, I am not a big fan of traveling on the mid life crisis train.

Back to your question - do whatever is best for your kids. If you have the kids and can afford to keep the house then I vote you keep it and try to change their lives as little as possible. It's between your wife and yourself, No matter what NEVER put the kids in the middle (don't let her either), they are not pawns in a game, protect them as much as you can and never argue with your wife (or let her argue with you) in their ear shot..They didn't have a say in this decision. You may want to tear her apart, never let the kids know.

Good Luck!

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Charmaine Rhea

Posted: Sep 12, 08 8:28pm

Pearl wrote:

Back to your question - do whatever is best for your kids. If you have the kids and can afford to keep the house then I vote you keep it and try to change their lives as little as possible. It's between your wife and yourself, No matter what NEVER put the kids in the middle (don't let her either), they are not pawns in a game, protect them as much as you can and never argue with your wife (or let her argue with you) in their ear shot..They didn't have a say in this decision. You may want to tear her apart, never let the kids know.

Good Luck!

....absolutely....first and foremost....

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