There isn't anything wrong with people in the world today. But your friend went through a HUGE life change in losing her husband, and it completely derailed her. When you were reaching out to her after his death, she was feeling like a limb had been ripped off - and wishing that there was something else she could focus on, something else that she could talk about. But she couldn't, because there was a giant smoking crater in the middle of her life and it was all she could see.

The reason I know is because I lost my husband a year and a half ago. And I've been able to keep friendships going only because I have people in my life who have persistently remained in there, slugging away even when I couldn't be a good friend. God bless every single one of them. I wouldn't have survived without them.

I'm not done with my grief process, and your friend probably isn't either. And now the two of you have the added burden of four years of hurt feelings on top of it. Write to her. If you have an email address, then drop her quick emails that tell her you're thinking about her - and make it clear that you don't expect a response to everything you send to her. Love her without obligation for a while. If you want to talk to her, call her! Don't wait for her to initiate the call.

Please believe me: life is far too short to let a friendship wither away like this. If something happened to her tomorrow, you wouldn't have the chance to tell her how much you care. And you wouldn't have posted here if you didn't care very deeply.

I do send her emails and forwards with comments. I send her cards for Christmas and other holidays. I have never given up. But I will not call her because she doesn't say anything just sits there and I don't know what to say it takes two to communicate. I can say if she passed away I am her friend and never gave up. But you didn't know that because I didn't post that. Thanks for your help!

Dear Eppy,

Believe me I know how you feel. I had this friend my BFF for 37 yrs. and all the sudden she decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. I realized that she could not handle my cancer and the possibility of me dieing. She has informed me she has a mental issues and can not put herself in those situations without stressing herself out.

I have decided I need and want better friends who can help me through the tough time as well as the good times. I also told her I have decided I no longer want her as a friend. She was upset which surprised me since she's the one who said she didn't want the friendship in the first place. I still stand my ground to this day, if someday in the future she decides she would like to be friends again I really don't know if I would say yes or no, I guess I would just have to see if that day ever comes. Your friend might have suffered a total break down after her husband died. If she said she still wants to be friends I would keep trying by sending a card to just say Hi! or a letter letting her know you are there for her. Some people have a very hard time after a loved one has died. Especially when it's a very close loved one. I know that too because my Mother passed away 2 yrs ago. I went through counseling with it and it has helped me a great deal. It has helped me with my friend deserting me when I needed her the most and having to deal with my Mother passing away from cancer and then me finding out 4 months later I have cancer. I had alot of things happen at once and believe me I was a total wreak this all happened within a 5 month period. But my faith in God and the counseling has helped me be a much better person and a stronger one. If my friend told me she still wanted to talk I would have keep trying. Because she is still very dear to my heart and always will be. But for now I need her out of my life while I heal. See if your friend would like to have lunch, or go to a movie just try and keep in contact with her so she knows you are there for her. If she ask you to stop again remind her that she has asked you to not call before and make her write it down so she can see it later when she says she didn't say that. This way you will have peace of mind that you did everything you could to keep the relationship and not feel bad if it dosen't work out. Or at lease something to look back on so you can move forward. Remember God sometimes takes certain people out of our life's for a reason or a season. But what ever happens trust him and know that he knows what he is doing.

Good Luck Eppy and God Bless you and your friend. I hope it does work out for you.

Sincerely,

Golden Eagle Women

Hi, GEM! I thought your reply to Eppy was really great. I'm sorry to hear about your cancer and the breakup with your friend. I hope that the void is being filled up with more supportive and constant friends! -- Julie

Eppy, it sounds like you're a really good friend and have really reached out to your grieving friend. Good for you! I've gone through something similar to what you have described with a friend, although she didn't lose a husband. We lost touch many years ago, and then I called her mother to get her phone number. Her mother gave me the phone number but I was hesitant to call. Well, a few weeks later, I got an email message from the friend. She said she'd been looking forward to my call -- her mother had been all excited that I called and called her to let her know. We got together and had a really nice visit. She took the initiative to email me and said what a great time she had and looked forward to getting together again really soon. I was happy about that! I emailed her back and heard nothing for three months. Then I sent her an email to make sure she'd gotten my email, and she said she was behind in her correspondence, but that she looked forward to getting together soon! That was two months ago. I give up. I don't know if she's busy, or busy smoking something ... but I figure the ball is in her court now.

Dear nclovely1,

Thank you so much for the nice comment about my friend. I am a christian women and the other day I was listening to a christian radio station. It was talking about people in our life's even thoughts who we grow up with and think we know so well and then we meet another christian and in 5 min. you feel like you have known this person forever. They were saying in the sermon that it is a sin to have friends that are not christians and even thought we try to help them understand how important it is to be a christian they never listen and go on living there life's drinking, smoking and partying like no tomorrow. I then realized that message was for me, God was telling me I wouldn't let go of this relationship so he made it happen because she would not change her ways no matter what. He also told me To forgive her and pray for her. I can only become friends with her again if she has found him. I felt so much better after the sermon and realized it was Gods will that this person be out of my life, and he wanted to make sure I understood who this person really is by showing me her true colors in a time of need. I use to say I trusted this person with my life. I now realize I only trust God with my life. Lesson learned. But most important I really was missing this person and wanted to call her or write her and try and become friends again then I hear the sermon and realized I am not to try anything with this person, if she calls and wants to become friends again I am to tell her I would love to be your friend again but only if you have become a christian. Other wise I can not be your friend again. It really put my heart at ease and I have not had the desire to call this person since. I believe God does take people out of our life's for a reason or a season even childhood friends. We have other lesson to learn and must move on. If the friends in some of these storys are christians then remind then in a christian way that God has put you there in there life's to help them through the hard times and your not going anywhere.

The ball is not in any court it should be in your heart. Keep trying but use God to remind them and I believe they will come around and if they don't then they really never were your good friend.

Good Luck Ladies,

and God Bless you all!

Sincerely,

Golden Eagle Women

Probably the best analogy I ever heard about why we lose touch with friends was:

It's like we're all cowboys. We ride the same trail together for a time, then one of us takes a new trail because thats just the way the ride works. (OK...I messed that up, but you get the gist.) Doesn't mean we don't care for each other it's just the way things go...

I absolutely ABHOR classmates.com but with a little research I've found old band-mates, ship-mates, high school friends, etc.

It's not like we can literally be in each other's lives again in a personal sense...we've all moved on to different parts of the world...but just sharing memories, news, jokes, etc is a pleasant way of remembering who we are and where it all started...