Posted: May 15, 08 7:07am

My wife of 20 yrs has asked for a divorce because I interfere with her social life with single young men.

She was forced back into the workforce a cpl yrs back due to rising cost. I think she has resented me for this and when I asked her to go to work she made a point to tell me that working wife's cheat on their husbands a lot more than stay at home moms (which she had been for 14 yrs of our 20).

Now she wants to go riding on the back of a single younger coworkers harley every sunday for 12 hrs! She has spent the night over there several times after drinking too much and I finally put my foot down and threatened to make hamburger out of the guy.

She says the guy weighs 300+ and is gay. I didnt get that impression on either count when I met him a while back. anyway I scared the guy cause she's home and not riding with him until we are divorced which she wants to happen very quickly. I'm devastated, heart broken, & eaten up with anxiety!

I knew we were having problems but I never in a million yrs thought that she would want this. I'll admit it had crossed my mind several times, over the years, but the fact that she wants one, of course, shatters me. (really need to get my head around this).

There have been several single male "friends" that she has had in the last couple years at the several different jobs. I have tolerated them thinking she was just trying to get to me or stoke her own ego. 'trying to be the modern easy going guy she could appreciate and like (was this a mistake, I can't decide)

Here's the deal though, she's 9 yrs younger than me and hanging with guys at least that much younger than her. I reigned in my jealously to just a please here and there and asking her nicely not to. All brushed aside with a "you're silly" She's a little heavy but an attractive person with a lovely smile, eyes, body, & fun to be around.

anyway, i know i am rambling but I just have to get this poison out of me. i have very few friends (I'm just a loner type guy (this could be part of the problem as well)) and no one right now to talk with about such things...so this s*hit is just festering in me. I write it down in document on my pc but it does me little good other than at least help me see what I am going through.

I guess it does help me not fight with her, as well. which I do not want to do.

she says she wants to get out to find herself because we married when she was 22. this may be true, but i so wish she had realized this before I was 52 and partially crippled (I had a car wreck 4 yrs back that shattered my hip which now has a pretty pronounced limp sometimes).

I feel like I am being throw to the curb like a used purse. I've always given her more than we can possibly afford and now we are so tight and I am so tapped out $$ that I squeak.

And here's the kicker, we both want a quite, friendly divorce (it's preferred( to me it's just the mature civil way to go , if possible)). She's looked into it and says I will have to provide her with spousal support for the length of time she was a stay at home mom (14 yrs) to maintain her current lifestyle. Man, this enrages me! I could see helping out until she can get on her feet but to maintain the level of life that she squeezed out of me will kill me trying to live any life at all on my own. what about maintaining my lifestyle? Isn't that to be considered, since she is asking for the divorce? What about me living in a nice house and nice neighborhood like the one i worked my ass off to get us in. I may have to get dirty on this front. But I am very bitter right now and that is what is taking over my mind.

I have made an appointment with a therapist. But the earliest I can get in is a week from today. I may have to try and find someone else. I will be putting in some time at this. Fortunatly my work has a good ins prog for this.

I'm sure this post will generate some kind and some not so kind post. And that's good, I need the feedback and prespective. I want to come out the other side of this as healthy as possible. I want to be a better person because of it. On that front I want and fully intend to profit.

We have two children. One is 17 and graduating HS in a week. I already brought her a nice used lexus and she is working and planning on going to school which I will gladly help with at whatever level I can after this. Our son is 15 and in his 1st yr of HS. he is a pretty good kid and the avg teenager otherwise. I think it best that he stay with his mom for several reasons. She may need him in my stead, mowing, fixing, safety, just general looking out for her, And she will get the home and that will be the better enviroment for him. Nice home in a nice neighborhood. So, to me custody is not even on the table. And I will pay the child support, without question.

i feel better already, just having typed this out. I will probably just be writing stuff to purge my negative emotions at first. I have to get it out. so, please, please, excuss me if i offend anyone. this is not my intention. i am just fighting for my sanity right now, trying to hang on and not go off and do anything stupid (please don't think that I am contemplating suicide, while that has floated up as an option a few times, it is quickly and soundly dismissed). I am a pretty decent guy with potential to be a pretty great guy (I think). And I look forward to developing myself in so many ways.

So, help a guy out, here! give me some feedback. Help me stay on track. help me get the right thing done right and be the best person i can in this.

thanks in advance, reece