Susan, sorry to hear you are going through this. I was the target of a stalker years ago and it's scary as hell.

I recently had cause to google this and found some really good resources. Most stalkers are not dangerous but given your history I would be very concerned.

Please track, document and report this and go for another PPO. And be careful!

Susan, hi, my name is Carmen and I know exactly what you are going through. My soon to be X does the same thing.

He and his mistress live a few blocks from our house which I share with our 2 daughters. He claims that he needs to see them and is always driving by, even late at night when he knows the girls are asleep.

Everywhere I go, he's there. He is a very violent person and has mental problems as well. I had a restraining order on him but it lasted 2 weeks and he stayed away.

Doesn't love me but can't stay away. I guess his way of letting go wasn't the best for him, but it was his choice when he cheated.

I do believe you have to be concerned and please be extremely careful. Try not to be alone when you go out. I know it's hard and maybe he means no harm, just to see you at a glance is his way of saying bye, but still I don't trust mine so you need to decide quickly what to do.

I hope things work out for you and if I can be of help, please write.

mcarmen

Thank you for the advice ladies. I just don't understand what the heck he gets out of it. It's creepy. And what does he think? That he's invisible? All my neighbors know what's going on....he's making a total ass out of himself. It's just weird...and scary.

Susan:

Could we be married to the same jerk? Only kidding, like mine there is only one. He really gets full of himself; putting it in a nice manner. Wierd and scary is what we feel and they are just thrilled that they are still winning.

We need to be stronger, if he hasn't gotten close to you, continue being careful and if your neighbors know what's going on, they can maybe help in some way if you talk to an attorney or the authorities.

These men are so strange, who knows how they think or what they are feeling. If he does get too close, take a whistle with you and blow that sucker until someone notices and maybe that'll make him think that you mean business or at least scare his booty off.

I don't know if you pray but I always do and I have a saying:

ONLY YOU HAVE MADE ME STRONGER,

WISER AND BETTER THROUGH THE YEARS...

ONLY YOU......GOD!

Well take care and I really hope he starts staying away, maybe he'll find a new friend soon that can keep him busy.

mcarmen

Always get a little nervous when we speak of the-other-person, someone we once knew-were-with and loved, as someone mentally ill and/or unstable. Never do we take responsibility, have accountability for our own actions, at least I never did. I've had women, over the years, that could be considered "stalkers," including a recent-ex. Only I didn't and don't consider them/her stalkers, just people that miss me - and me them. But when we start naming-calling, placing the blame elsewhere, it's a way of judging. Like they want me so bad they're driving by my house at night. A lot of that is narcissistic. Flattering to us. Portrays us in the most favorable light, us as victims, them as victimizers/perps. But is it ever this cut-and-dried? Haven't we all at times done things to piss the-other-party-off, I know I have, and especially in the case of my ex. But if I start saying, oh, she's a stalker, then it takes me off of the hook. Portrays ME as a most wanted individual, a hottie. Doesn't take responsibility for the entire thing, passes it off to the other person. Granted there are stalkers in the world, I'm not denying anyone on this. But in a lot of cases, including my own, these are just pissed-off people that feel they've been wronged. That's what MFT's and counseling and therapists are for - to separate the illegitimate from the fantasy - real or imagined. I don't see my ex as a stalker, and she is very pissed off at me, especially at the moment. Just someone who wished it could have turned out better. And it could have, could have turned out better, much better, had she not turned thumbs-down to intervention and counseling.

DB

Well I had a CIRCUT COURT JUDGE that AGREED that he is a stalker. That's how I got the PPO. He fought is and lost. It's on his record.....he's a stalker. I am not flatted this nut misses me. I consider him a danger to my safety and it scares the hell out of me. I don't even shop in my own town anymore. I can't leave my dogs out alone anymore. I check my doors, windows, backyard every night before I go to bed. It's hell.....NOT FLATTERING.

Susan: Sorry he is still bothering you. Maybe like I mentioned earlier, he means no harm, it's his way of letting go.

If he gets too close or starts using violent words or even tries to hurt you, then run for cover, get help. My soon to be X does the same but he just might be wondering why things didn't work out better for us. A look, a glance, makes him feel good, as long as he stays away. I only deal with him when it comes to our kids.

He doesn't understand that the pain he was causing me was too much. Doesn't take his full responsibility for his actions. He does know that he hurt me on and on and on, and I couldn't do anything but now I am stronger and don't have the abuse any more. I let him go and find myself being able to breathe again. On my own!

I'm not defending thier actions or trying to get sympathy but I was a victom for so long, it's made me wise up a bit. I couldn't take it anymore, so I got the help I needed and still find it hard at times to even feel good about myself. Can't even take a complment without feeling guilty.

Try to talk to the experts, we can give you advise and tell our stories but I think a professional would be your best bet.

Take care honey, I'm here for you. I hope I wasn't too harsh with my words.

Your friend, mcarmen