Mediocrity was a way of life. I said enough when my I found out my husband had a girlfriend for 2 years and he wouldn't give her up, even with marriage counseling. Even with that, I rose above the anger, had some resentment, but we are in a good place after being divorced for almost 5 years.

Rebellion,

I'm glad you were able to move beyond the anger and resentment. For me resentment is the hardest struggle. It takes hard work, dedication, and motivation for change to move us forwards. Kudo's to you.

After my divorce with my first husband it was so hard for us to work on our post divorce relationship due to the fact that he started a relationship with his affair before we even divorced. That was rough, she forbid our communication and he turned into her puppet. So sad.

Reality, he never made progress or learned anything about why we ended. He has cheated on her since their marriage. She knows but holds on relentlessly, again sad.

So glad its not my problem anymore. Thanks for sharing:)

During my marriage I didn't think of it as mediocrity, I thought of it as contentment. Now, 2 years post divorce,and a lot of soul searching, I see that it was just mediocrity.

Tammy, My X's girlfriend (the OW) also forbids communication with me and he has turned into her puppet. Since they went straight from the affair into a relationship I don't think either one of them has figured out what went wrong with their marriages. I expect one of them will find the other cheating before too long.

I think we often confuse contentment with just coasting or settling. We just don't see it at the time as such.

Isn't it ironic that these (OW) go into this new relationship after being discovered in an affair with our husbands and then say, no communication with your ex...How can she think she will be spared his infidelity? Oh right, shes better. (I forgot) Ridiculous...

I always say what goes around comes around.

MEDIOCRITY??? In a marriage, I am not sure what that means. All of us fall short of perfect. As far as when I finally said "enough," it was about 1 1/2 years before we divorced. The yelling and screaming that had happened our whole marriage was just awful and it got to the point I was defending my 2 daughters more than trying to understand the verbal abuse. Emotionally, I checked out. I had had enough and was deeply hurt, and it finally surfaced. For the sake of my sanity and my 2 daughters, I stayed, but emotionally, I was not there anymore. Very sad.

This stuff is so insightful...thank you all on this Thanksgiving week!...I am in the middle of waiting to divorce the man I have been devoted to for 26 years, but he his devotion does not exist...I know some won't understand, but I am waiting for our youngest to graduate in May 2009...God! GIVE ME COURAGE TO HOLD OUT....

Pam

Tammy Rita I just want to congradulate you on going back

to school and doing something constructive with your life,

If you happen to see Prof. Marotz or his wife, tell them I

said hello, I know his mother very well and she is a good

dart player. Good Luck.