Dear shagger, I can't tell you that I know how you feel for I have never had that experience. I do know that the stages of grief are many, you certainly haven't needed to do the first one which is denial of the event, you appear,of course, to be angry which is a part of the process. To be incredible sad is also a big part of the process particularly when things don't make any sense at all, just out of the blue what has happened occurred. My master's degree and post graduate work is in counseling, but that doesn't make me qualified to provide that to you, but perhaps you have someone in your community that can help you through this major crisis in your life. This individual can ask the questions and hear the answers in confidence which certainly doesn't appear in a forum such as this. If you find no one in that area there are support groups for everything under the sun. These groups can put you with people that have had like experiences and how they are coping. I find that it is a great step on your part to reach out and look for assistance. That is a very positive move to make. I have tremendous empathy for what you are going through. I ask you, as a caring fellow human, to take that next step and find someone or someone's who can assist you with your very legitimate issues. In the meantime let us hope that the group can provide additional assistance. I wish for you a positive resolution to what you are experiencing. I really care, Richard

Thank you Richard... Just putting into words and knowing someone's reading it helps. Realistically I know time will help..

Shagger--My heart goes out to you. I hope you have someone close by that you can share your grief with. I've never lost anyone in the manner you related, so I am not much help to understand your pain. Just know that even though we on TBD are total strangers, that someone empathizes with you. Don't ever forget your friend and always let people know how special he was. In that case, he will live forever...if only in your heart and those that knew him. Allow yourself to grieve, and we will grieve with you.

Please take care.

Thank you...I'm just in such a bad place right now. I know it'll get better..it's just hard and I need to talk about it with people who don't know him.

words completely fail me, shagger, which is one of the reasons i've delayed responding to your post. i can feel the pain in your words, and i'm so sincerely sorry.

Shagger~ I don't know that you will ever get past it, and you may not need to. What you have done so far is honor your friend's life, and you always will. That is a way of coping, of continuing your life and remembering the life of your friend. Violent acts such as the one that took your friend are beyond our understanding or explanation, but we do learn how fragile life is, and how important it is to make the most of the time we have, and to care for others. You have reached out, and you will find support. Answers may be hard to find, but you will never be alone. Perhaps remembering good times you shared can begin to displace the other image troubling you now. Even though nothing seems to be helping you, your efforts have probably helped others - please don't give up.

Jim

Shagger. My thought are with you and deeply sorry for your great lost.

All I can say is...... in time (I promise you) your heart will heal from this dramatic experience. You are going thru 'absolutely' a normal phase for anyone who has lost a love one (special close friend). You are doing the right thing in reaching out.... or just merely sharing your deep pain with others; this is the right time to do so to start your healing process. People do care and many have gone thru losses in our lives whether tragically or of any sort is still a Lost that can not be recovered. But make no mistake, we hurt because that special person had made an impact in our life. Treasured that gift. There is NO logical explanation to why that tragic incident has to happen to your dear friend; the timing was obviously wrong for him.

Please keep your believe strong and alive by just knowing that we're all are in this journey together and as a good and compassionate traveler.... we supposed to help our fellow traveler(s) in time of difficulties. No journey come without pain and suffering; from them, it will make us a better person for ourself... and the rest of humanity.

Please take care and let us know your progress.

BL:)