Posted: Dec 21, 07 11:23am
I modified that because I know that women can be just as cruel as men, in domestic violence and during a divorce. I'm sorry this is so long, but I have a lot of anger to vent. I tried to condense it as much as I could. Good luck.*
I left mine 17 years ago because of domestic violence. I walked out with bruises that would make Mike Tyson say "OUCH".
Over the years we have had our rough patches and our smooth patches, but I usually realized too late that the smooth patches were only smooth because Mark felt he was "getting ahead."
Rough patches were usually when I stood up for myself or asserted myself. Surprise.
Now, SweetMother can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I've been fairly generous as far as exs go. I haven't raised the child support in 17 years, even though for 3 years he worked at a factory where he made twice what the CS was based on. We had one incident that resulted in my taking him back to court to get visitations modified.
He was in the practice of showing up twice as late as I did for the exchange of the children. If I was 15 minutes late, he was 30 and so on, despite the fact it was usually caused by work, and I always called to let him know when I could. One weekend I was an hour late because I had been held over at work. The following Sunday after he was over an hour late with no word, I got worried and called the state police to make sure there hadn't been an accident. When he finally arrived (2 hours late), I said I had called the state police, but before I could say why, he was mad about it, thought I had called them on him.
He threatened to kill me, blow up my car, burn down my house, and run off with the kids where nobody would ever see them again. Well, yeah, I responded. I got an order of protection, visitations supervised, and a psychiatric evaluation for him. Of which, he failed miserably.
Anyway, about a year and a half later he got into some legal trouble, so he skipped state. We didn't see hide nor hair of him for 6 years, and I was glad of it.
We jump ahead to now (if you want to ask questions about details in between, we can do that later). He is behind by $18,000 because of his 6 year absenteeism. He called me about a month ago with news that he could get a loan for $8,000 for the back child support, but he couldn't do it unless he could call it even. I told him I would discuss it with the kids (they are 16 & 17 now) and get back to him. He said he could get a 6 year loan at 8%.
I found out that the state was charging him 9% on back support (his original delinquency amount was a little more than $15,000. The rest is accrued interest.) The kids and I discussed what would could settle for, I did the math, and we decided that we couldn't settle for less than $14,000.
When I talked to him again, he said he would apply for the loan and get back to me. When he got back to me, he said he couldn't get it for more than $10,000. I told him ok, well if he would send the $10,000, then sign a paper saying that he still owed $4,000 directly to me, interest free, we could do that. And we would wait for the $4,000 until after the kids aged out of school so that his monthly payments wouldn't go up. Still being fair, right? It would have saved him thousands.
He couldn't do it; he wouldn't be coming out ahead. When I told him that he would, even explained it to him in detail, he kept insisting that his attorney said that he wouldn't. I told him his attorney was an idiot, take the figures to an accountant and he would see that he would. That's when some sick truths came out.
it wasn't 8%, it was 24%. He would prefer to pay his children half of what he owes them, then pay a finance company $19,000. He doesn't like how I spend his money. I was angry. The kids were angry. They used language that generally isn't condoned, but under the circumstances I allowed.
A couple of days later, Mark's mother called. We had been discussing Christmas arrangements. Well, given the fact that my mother died just a few months ago, money is tight and we want to spend the majority of the holiday with my dad. I had originally told her that I would bring the kids up (2 hour drive north) to her for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, if she could help me with gas and put me up for the night. That way they wouldn't have to drive down and back, since the kids don't have a reliable vehicle to drive up there themselves. (And they aren't taking mine!) I had even said that Mark could have them in the beginning of January sometime since he couldn't make it up to his parents' for the holidays. (he lives 2-3 hours south of us)
She didn't want the actual holiday, she wanted the following weekend, even though that was when we planned Christmas with my dad. When I told her that, she got angry, assuming I meant they couldn't have Christmas at all. So I re-emphasized the actual holiday, knowing where we were headed.
"But Mark can't make it then."
"Well, I don't really think the kids want to see him right now anyway."
"And who convinced them of that."
That was when the arguing began with her. She didn't want in the middle of it, but she wanted to voice her opinion, which basically was that I was being greedy, she didn't think I planned on spending any of the money on the kids (I just wanted it for my bills, not that they are also the kids bills), and perhaps I should get a job if things were that tight. She was basically condoning him being a deadbeat dad, and saying she didn't feel he owed it to us!
Now, it isn't like he's hurting for the money. His child support is set at a little less than $300 a month for two kids, it comes to $335 with a small amount added on for back child support. He's a mechanic that owns his own garage, he employs 3 people, he bought a new house in '04, and he owns 3 vehicles, a Harley Davidson, 2 four wheelers, a ski boat, and a camper. That doesn't include furnishings such as a large screen TV. He is not hurting for it. And he told the kids that he plans to leave it all to his girlfriend in his will. Nice, eh?
