Diana,

I think it is up to each one of us to define ourselves as we want to be perceived. I am 52, and really don't think much about marriage being the answer for happiness. Most women I know are well adjusted, happy to be single, dating periodically, but have full lives, still coming home to empty houses, but they enjoy their space. Others love having many dates and have fun traveling with companions. I think the secret is, if searching for a companion, the person should mirror you in some way. For me, I am handy around the house, love my ragtop and wear jeans and tshirts, not interested in manicures or fancy clothes. I would be crazy to search for a man who was refined. So take a closer look at your choices. And, most important, be gentle on yourself, be at peace and don't think so hard about finding that special person forever. Create some dynamic and empowering belief systems about yourself and see what happens!

Hi Diana. life is cruel in many ways. We get close then people change. Some die . The best we can do is get up every morning and make a difference. Helping some one change a tire in the rain. give the panhandler all your change. Simple things. I have pretty much given up myself. It seems like the woman I have loved move on. Do not get me wrong I have left behind a few myself.The world is a mess. Equal rights gives you a say in how things are done. I have no control over what others do Political or other wise I am way to small and poor to make any real difference in the the Big Picture. I am just one person Its only when people really get together that change takes place. The world is more complicated than ever. The last 60 years have seen more changes than the last 5000. Its not easy coming home alone yet its a choice I make. My respects and best wishes. Never forget Christmas comes once a year. Make the most of it.

What is love? Each person as a different meaning of love. I will be 44 in a few days and I'm very comfortable with being single. I travel very often with friends and usually have a great time. Sure, sometimes when I'm on the ocean it will be nice to see the sunset with that special person, but I don't dwell over it. I'm just enjoying life to the fullest and enjoying the space that I have at home. My doors are open for any possibility......

Hi Diana,

I'm 40 and never been married. Dated a few jerks - I seem to find the ones who like to lie and cheat - then marry the next woman they date.... So I quit dating. And I love my life! I have everything I have ever wanted, needed or desired. I have great friends and family close - come home to a house full of love from my two beagles - and actually never think about being single or alone because I keep myself busy and am happy with my choices. I think if you want to find someone, then play by your own rules and look around. But if not, then do what you can to be happy with yourself and your life. Because in the end - that is what really matters!! :-)

Diana,

For me, learning to accept being single, possibly for the rest of my life, has been the biggest challenge of my life. By most people's standards, I have been highly successful. I know, though, the desire and need to be loved can be so strong that it blinds one's judgement. I am learning to enjoy the freedom and independence being single brings, but I still dislike coming home to an empty house, maybe because I was married happily for 25+ yrs. We all know good people who have had bad things happen, thru no fault of their own. For me, I have focused on new activities, have learned to avoid things that are hard. I still travel, but not the same types of places. I still go out to eat, but not the romantic places for couples. I work more hours now, but I enjoy it more than ever. Improve yourself, including your happiness and outlook, and you will attract good people, instead of you searching for the wrong match out of need. Give up asking "Why me?", there is no answer to this. Life can be very hard, but do not give up.

I just finally decided not to look for happiness in another person. We pick our mood. I choose to be happy. If that's alone so be it. If I meet my match in process, lucky me. If not, life is still good. We decorate Christmas trees don't we? And every year they just get better and better!!!

Hiya :^)

Re the Christmas Cake... I had a Japanese girl share my house some years ago, in Australia to study English and work as a Japanese translator for 2 years, and yes that is how things are perceived.

She was 26 and obviously a little frustrated by this.

She also was used to travelling EVERYWHERE in a group.

Her time in Australia totally changed her - as did living with me and my partner and male Korean tennant which is why she came to cohabit our house - she was keen to marry, but not just to anybody. I digress, but to say that it was a proud day (I felt like an older sis) when she came home from the city one evening and said she had been to the cinema BY HERSELF (huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge step) and seen the scarey film Hannibal (huge scarey step) a 2nd time because she was stuck on some of the English (translation).

Point is, her world opened up with her exposure to a change of culture and place. And the scarey bit about having a Korean boyfriend which her parents would not have approved of.

I've lived by myself for a time and enjoyed it, but there really is nothing like sharing a house with others. You expand your social circle, can host parties, and not get stuck in a rut.

I would suggest you consider taking in a tennant if that's possible. Who knows?

Also, I've found when you are looking for someone (even subconsciously) it never damn happens!! When you are NOT, you'll find two men not one!! Well that's what happens to me... all or none. Why can't they be spaced out evenly to suit my schedule??? ;^)

OK I'm rambling, but you haven't mentioned much about your lifestyle and your interests. If you are passionate about something that will lead you to a social circle with people you will like, and maybe utlimately to meeting someone special.

It's also said that you can't get what you want until you know what you want... sorry if this is a rant... must be that glass of chardonnay.... :^)