First of all, thank you for introducing to me Andrew Cohen. I will check out his books. When I'd seen you referring to him before, I didn't pay close enough attention - I thought you were talking about Alan Cohen & was getting confused because I've read several of Alan's books.

Second, a sign of spiritual maturity for me is:

To meet people where they are - not where I want them to be - not where I wish they were & not where I think they should be. But just where they are in the moment of our encounter.

Take care, Deb

Hi Deb,

May I ask you to please elaborate a bit on what you mean by this: "meet people where they are... in the moment of our encounter". I certainly understand your general drift, but I would love to hear more of thoughts on this as I feel it is very important as we develop spiritual maturity.

my best to you,

Mick.

This developed for me from a place of me being on my knees, praying - begging - crying, for some relief.

A lot of people in my life have been struggling with addictions - my Mother - my ex-husband - my daughter. I myself, have struggled with co-dependency. I've tried various things over the years to help myself cope with these issues. When I see someone hurting - my first reaction usually is to try to take their pain away. In the past that usually meant I jumped into the black hole with them. The result - I ended up feeling worse for the wear.

For two weeks in Feb., I was intensely involved with my daughter & her 4 children. I ended up with the worst sinus infection I've had in a very long time.

So, while I was healing - I was also processing a lot - looking over the various methods I'd used in the past.

One day, I asked myself - what would it look like if I met my daughter exactly where she was? What if I let go of my fear(s) - my frustrations - my judgments - about what was happening - what could happen - what might never happen? What if I could just be present with her - in the moment? What if I stayed connected to my center?

So - I had an opportunity - as the Universe always does - to WALK MY TALK a few days after this. I arrive at her house - she had slept in - the old me would have been totally upset.

Instead, I told her to call when she was ready to make changes & that I love her. I then left - no guilt - no regrets - I felt wonderful.

For the most part, with other people, I'd already been doing this - but there's nothing like your children & in my case - grandchildren - to pull at the heart strings.

Take care, Deb

Hi Deb,

Thank you for sharing this. In my work I call this choice you made the awakening of a relationship, the point when we recognize unnecessary suffering and decide to end our engagement with it. Of course, as you know, this does not always mean that the relationship has to end, but often it means that the basis for the relationship shifts. Now the other person is free to be accountable and you are free to help them from a position of acceptance, rather than one of say, frustration.

my best to you,

Mick.

Spiritual maturity is the awakening to the ability of seeing that the sufferings of others are no different from ones own suffering. Spiritual maturity brings with it the energy to help others who are suffering without feeling depleted. Spiritual maturity is an ongoing call to self responsibility with joy, no matter how dark his/her surroundings may be. Spiritual maturity is boundless faith in oneself and others.

Hi Mick

Could you please expand on what you mean when you said "that the basis for the relationship shifts"?

I totally agree with your comment about "now the other person is free to be accountable" - now, since I've shifted - my daughter is showing up more & more for herself & in turn, for her children. It's wonderful to see - of course, my ego wants to beat the crap out of me by laying some guilt as to why I didn't do this sooner - but I'm doing a good job of telling it to hit the road.

Another benefit to this has been that I have so much more energy to focus on a wonderful project that I thought of when I was sick.

I just spent the weekend with my son & his family - I referred to them in my post "Emotionally Unavailable". It was amazing - had a really nice visit - relaxed - no expectations - just went with the flow. Because I only see them every few months (they live 5 hours away) - it is even more important not to get caught up in the old drama.

Hi Neeraja

I found your post helpful - thanks. I'm learning all the things you said. Like I said earlier - I'd pretty much been able to be that way with most people - but had gotten mired down when it came to my children & grandchildren. I've since realized that one of the main reasons I had so much trouble in that area was because I was always coming from a place of fear. I was afraid of the pain I felt when they were in pain. I think this started when the kids were babies - I tuned in so much to them as a form of communicating - that I forgot to turn it off as they matured. Oh well - at least I'm doing it now.

Thanks to both of you, take care, Deb