A good psychotherapist can be invaluable in helping you make major life decisions. As they pan out you will begin to trust yourself more. Nothing builds on success like success.

Thank you, Isadora.

Case in point! Who will I ask to verify that I've found a good psychotherapist? Hopefully that doesn't come across as sarcasm. All of a sudden I could see the humor in my dilemma!

Seriously though, could you suggest some guidelines for what to look for in a psychotherapist? I've sought therapy over the years, and can't say I've had a bad one, just maybe not a good as I could have had.

Thank you, again.

Finding a good therapist is very personal. If you don't connect, it will be hard to get the help you need. If you don't have any friends you feel comfortable asking for referrals ask your DR. or hairdresser. If that fails just look in the yellow pages or internet and find one with the credentials you are looking for, meet them and see how it feels. It can be expensive to shop around for the right therapist but in the long run it is well worth it.

Lori,

Therapist and author Tina Tessina has excellent guidelines for finding a therapist on her website.(http://www.tinatessina.com/using_therapy.html)

In general, ask for referrals from those you trust. Talk to the therapist on the phone and ask the questions that are important to you. You'll get a feel whether you like him or her - voice, attitude, warmth, etc. After a few conversations with a few different therapists one might stand out as "feeling like a fit". Go with your gut if all other criteria (price, style, location, ) are met. If you don't feel comfortable with this person after two or three sessions, move on. Finding a good therapist for you is like finding a sweetheart or friend. You know fairly soon whether the possibilities are there for a good match.

INDEED! Yes, I can relate! You are describing ME. That's who I was and who I am. The only difference between you and me is that I am on medication.

I "feel" depressed because of my failures. I "feel" depressed when I think of negative things said about me.

I "feel" depressed when I cannot scratch off all the things on my to-do list.

But after reading all these stories about other people's dealings with depression, it makes me think that I am not depressed at all. Maybe mine is just a self-inflicted depression.

Hi. I'm brand new to this site and I believe that I suffer also. I took Lexapro but gained 15 lbs. (which made me depressed all over again) so I stopped. Any suggestions? Thank you so much

Begin with the premise that perceptions are our individual reality. Our perceptions. guided and slanted by our experiences send up messages like "this cake tastes good but is bad for me based on all the input from medical research on sugar and cholesterol weighed against the messages from experiencing the taste of cake."

You look at your feelings and for whatever reason, you feel unsure of the validity so you test them against the values of your friends. Do your friends have more understanding of the issues or are they just strong enough to exert influence upon you?

There is no right and wrong. What works for you? What happens when you trust your own judgment? Where would you draw the line in when you accept input and when you take your own advice?

It is not a black or white thing. Everyone approaches problem solving differently. Because I have had past successes in certain realms of life - like business and relationships - I weigh the advice of others accordingly if it differs from my own and unless there is accompanying evidence beyond opinion, I do not allow it to sway my own judgment which tends to weigh evidence very well.

When I am in virgin territory, I go to experts. I never ask opinions unless they are educated opinions. I do not care what my dentist says if the topic is brain surgery unless he has made a study of statistical outcomes, just as I wouldn't ask a priest how to handle a situation in my marriage. He has zero experience except what he read or was taught by someone else who had zero experience.

I might go to my cousin who has been married 55 years. Now he knows what it takes to overcome issues that are bumps in the marital highway! I've been witness to the entire 55 year period and I know his wife as well as I know him. His experience makes his words weigh more than someone who has an opinion based on negative experience.

Reality dictates my choices, not pressure. I don't give a damn if my friends approve. I want my only consideration to be my welfare in the decision. If I choose a new car and my friends don't like it, oh, well. They aren't paying for it. However, if one of my friends owned a repair shop and told me that the car had the worst repair record in the world, I certainly would take his advice. He is not offering an unsubstantiated opinion. He has fact to back it up. Your friend might choose a particular car because she likes how the mirror on the visor slants! Well, let her carry her compact while you drive your Miata. The mirrors are awfully low but it does make the driver feel like a kid again!

Ask yourself: Who gets the rewards and punishment from this decision? If friends have something to gain or lose, they are making the decision for their own benefit. For instance, if you are dating a guy. they have to accept that he is going to be as important in your life as they are. Maybe they don't want that. They would sabotage you. If they see something and have no stake in the outcome, listen and look for yourself. Do you see what they see with the added information they gave you?

In the end, if you make decisions to please others, nobody will be pleased. A friend who wants you only if you agree with her, is no friend. She will ditch you in a pique for the smallest thing anyway. Real friends accept our decisions and help us live with them.

When in doubt - do nothing - temporarily. Stap back and weigh all the facts. Once you have all the facts that you can get - make the decision and live with it. What's the worst that can happen? That's why they have lemon laws and divorce laws. There is always a door out of a decision unless it is to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Then, once you move forward, there is no retreating.