Coming from someone who has fought clinical depression for the last 23 or so years she really needs to be seen by a doctor for this.

First of all, you need a professional to help you sort this out. Every issue you mention could be the result of depression but every one of them could also be independant of depression. Depressed people don't have bouts; they have episodes and serious ones do not pass without medical attention. Lack of interest in sex is associated with depression but it can also be related to lack of interest in her partner or anger at her partner. So, without a professional diagnosis, you don't know what you are dealing with.

There are two kinds of depression. One is from life circumstances and is a state of mind. The other is from a chemical imbalance and is from a state of body. They can look the same but the treatment is different. A chemical imbalance is treatable only with medication and therapy. A depression from life circumstances is treated only by change in either circumstances or outlook. I might be depressed if I hate my life situation. Getting out of the situation would cure me. I might be depressed becasue I do not understand that my situation is what it should be but my expectations are out of whack. Counseling can often help. If a person sees that no matter what the other person does, this is the way the world is, well maybe they accept it or maybe they go live in a cave.

I've heard the exact same words from people who are and aren't depressed except in that they hate their marriage and want out. That depresses them. Their body is asymptomatic but their personality is lacking in empathy, caring, interest or the vaguest knowledge of what a marriage is and is supposed to be.

Best of luck but find out what you are dealing with before you look for a solution.

Thank you, she is taken medication and it helps somewhat. as far as her going to see a professional? well that's has to be up to her. I've brought it up before and she feels that it will not help.

I support your efforts to get your wife to take the very important step toward being well again, which is talk therapy.

Experts I have read pretty much agree that meds alone are not the solution to depression.

It is also a fact that depression effects everyone around the depressed person.

I hope that your wife will listen to someone about getting a referral to a caring counselor.

There is still such a stimaga in the public eye about depression that I think that is half the reason many, many people never ask for the help they desperately need to be well again. They are fine taking a pill in the privacy of their home,but to actually have to talk about it is another thing altogether.

I have been there so I feel that I can speak about this subject with knowledge.

I put on an antidepressant med once following major surgery, but wisely told that I also needed to have talk therapy in order to be well again. I really think it probably was due to my practitioner explaining the requirement of having meds. plus talk therapy, that I did not try to get out of the talk part. I probably would have just taken the pills and kept the "secret" to myself. I did feel a level of shame at the time. It wasn't anything to be ashamed for, but looking back I can see that my mind set was so down that I just naturally reacted in a negative way to most everything at that moment...before I completed therapy.

I stopped hating talk therapy the day I was done. My counselor said I was done, I felt like my good old self again, and practically skipped out to my car to drive home.

Sending good thoughts your way, in hopes that your wife will seek the rest of her wellness. You deserve happiness as much as she does.

I would suggest that if she won't see a counselor then you should. You can't change her, you can only change yourself. If YOU are unhappy with your situation, then you need to figure out what you need to do other than trying to force change on your wife, which won't help her (because she doesn't want it), and won't help you (because it is not changing YOU).

There is a great book on the subject of being married to someone who suffers from depression. It's called What To Do When Someone You Love is Depressed by Mitch and Sue Golant. It might help alleviate the stress you are under and tell you the best way to urge your wife to seek therapy without encouraging her resistance.

Never offer a critique or make suggestions. Depressed women are already demoralized and acutely aware of failing in life. Take her words very seriously and listen with your eyes upon her. Even if it's scary, just listen.