Probably no. My wife is a physically beautiful and lovely person. A wonderful mother. Highly intelligent, and loved by all, including me. But six years ago she suddenly and quite unexpectedly stopped all sexual activity, and moved to another bedroom. No explanation was given. Since then there has been absolutely no touching anywhere on her/my body, hugging, passion, romance or sex. Life is far too short to do without these essential ingredients permanently! I did not appreciate the crucial importance of sexuality until it was totally withdrawn. We were very active sexually before marriage and in the following 5 years.

Four years ago I was still married. I was visiting with a woman (co-worker) who was touting the greatness of her boyfriend of 7 years. I said "Then why won't you marry him?" To which she stated: "Because I ask my Christian, married friends one question and the answer scares me." I said, "I'm a Christian, married friend, ask me......." She said, "Okay..." and she sat back expectantly, folded her arms and said, "Would you do it again?" Nervous as the realization his I sputtered, "Oh...OH...! THAT question... "

I am now divorced. I have since discovered the money, the moods,the temper, everything, was because he was addicted to Coke and Crank. Who knew? I am an educated, kind, passionate woman. I was a great wife and great mother.

When I divorced, a began my own quest. I began asking, and tallying, the same question. Out of 44 people, (42 women), only THREE people said yes, they would do it again. One person said "usually."

Dalma Heyn's book "Drama Kings, the Men Who Drive Strong Women Crazy" changed my life and my perspective. I am now on the road that will lead to my desired destination. My male friends that say "why is it nice guys finish last??" need to read this book. It answers this question. While the adulterers, verbal abusers, macho testosterones win us with their charm and talk us into matrimoney, we bypass the really nice, wonderful, progressive men. They think we change. Yet, close examination offers the truth to those who truly want to see.

Please don't think I'm being critical. I'm not. However, I have many male and many female friends. I have studied this issue. I have a degree in communication with an emphasis on gender communication.

I'm wondering if you haven't answered your own question in "I did not appreciate the crucial importance of sexuality until it was totally withdrawn."

Did you treat her the same after the marriage as you did when you were courting her? How about 5 years later? Did you realize that foreplay for a woman begins in her mind? If you screw her all day you aren't going to screw her at night.

We resent men who say "I did the dishes for you honey" even though they may be well intentioned. They are not OUR dishes. It is not OUR job. Do the dishes because they need to be done. Period. Did you do things like this? Were you the man she married?

If so, has she been physically examined? There are many chemical reasons for her state as well as mental.

I feel for people who have marriage problems. I feel for them from deep in my soul because I truly empathize. Nothing in the world is worse than marriage problems!

I hope your situation improves. Life is short.

Damn straight I would. We just began working on our second forty years last month and hopefully, they will be as exciting as the first forty.

I don't think we'll have any more kids though. I just can't see carrying the suitcase to the car in a snowstorm like I had to do the last time. And when we left the hospital, we had to get through about 6 feet of snow to get to the car. But, we didn't stay in Syracuse that long. Just long enough so that my son can always say he is the only one in the family born in NY State.

But other than that, it was a great marriage and the kid turned out fine despite his early deficit of having been born in a NY state of mind!

No question: Yes. I have no regrets.

YES! YES! YES! No doubt about it. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary this weekend. (I'll probably post about that somewhere once I recover.) We both eagerly agreed to sign up for another 25 (at least).

Thanks,Tony, for being so honest. Over the years, in my work mediating I've discovered that honesty is important but also scary. I wonder what would happen if you turned this light onto yourself, your marriage and this situation. Ask questions. Say what you need (which, by the way, is different than wants).

Good luck, d