Hey, at 63... do you think that anything could move me from what I already am?

When my late husband was dying, I told him that he owed me 22 more years (since my parents were married for 60 years! He died anyway!!!

There are no guarantees in life... enjoy what you;ve got!!!!

Nothing scares me about marriage. After forty years, it feels like my natural state. I haven't lost my individual identity, nor would I ever. I like being connected to one special person.

Death of either me or my spouse doesn't bother me. I don't want to lose her but life is uncertain and you have to take what comes at you. If that happens, I will feel blessed for what I have had and for what we accomplished together. If I die first, I will try to set up one last laugh with a document I plan to leave behind in one of those dramatic "Open only in case of death or multiple dismemberment" letters.

Would I ever remarry if I were the last standing? I doubt it. Growing older with someone is one thing but developing a relationship with someone whose life is set in ways that were developed elsewhere just doesn't appeal to me. I am completely self-sufficient and do not have the patience to deal with someone else's issues that I was not a part of from early on. Also, my wife and I pretty much marched to the beat of the same drummer. The likelihood of that happening twice is not good.

In any case, if my health flees, I wouldn't want to risk throwing myself on the mercy of a stranger whose interest in me wasn't developed over a lifetime of dreams, struggles, plans, experiences and common outcomes. If I were much younger, I think I would view it differently.

I will never be alone in the sense that "I fell down and I can't get up." I have accumulated sufficient assets to make certain that I will have someone who will be paid to provide tha margin of safety if I reach a point where I am limited physically. But paid help can be dismissed on a whim. Spouses can't ... even if they are of less worth than the help.

When you hit the jackpot the first time, if you are smart, you stay away from the machines because your luck may not extend to a second go round.

After 37 years, what scares me most is losing my marriage if, God forbid, my wife died. Or a major change if one of us became disabled.

Can't think of a thing that frightens me about my marriage.

Mine was "What if he dies before me?" And then, well... he did. Up to that point, death (and the consequent being alone) was the scariest thing I could think of. So now I do live alone - but I've also experienced the pleasure of coming through my door and knowing that I only have to deal with myself and the cats for a night.

And death? Not scary any more. It will always be a profound mystery to me, but I don't have the "What if?" thoughts any more. Because death isn't a "What if?" but a "When?"

I know. That's obvious. But I didn't have a grasp of it before.

Yes, of course, but that doesn't keep me from wanting one.

d

I hear you. When I finally got the idea that I wouldn't live forever, it freed me up to make a lot of changes.

Like wanting to work to have a 50 year marriage. I may not get them all but each one will be choice!

Guess the question after when is: what next?

d