CuriousDina,

Be prepared, that will be a daunting task... trying to deal with state and local agencies on providing care to the elderly. It'll vary depending on income, insurance etc... I hope you can cut thru the red tape and consolidate the info into one place. Oh, besides the obvious don't forget a chapter on dealing with "stressed siblings".

Thx,

Greg

I agree, Greg. It won't be easy but hopefully it will be very useful. When you say 'stressed sibs' I get an image, but don't quite know what you mean. Will you say more?

d

My wife and I are now the elders. All of our parents are deceased. The answer is simple: Treat me with the respect I earned over a lifetime of being there for you, kid!

I will never ask you for any help. I was smart enough to provide for my later years through self-sacrifice in my earlier years. I'd rather have a sandpaper-coated flagpole shoved up my ass than become dependent on my kid. If I reach the point where I can't care for myself, I'll pay for help - whether it be at home or in a facility.

You go on with your life. I refuse to be a burden to anyone.

This philosophy has been passed down through several generations in my family and it works for us. Maybe we're descended from Icelanders. When we reach the age of zero production, we grab the nearest ice floe and float off into the sunset.

I spent a career dealing with local and state agencies and I'd sooner blow my brains out than be dependent on them!

Fear not for us. We are still in our sixties and have a long way to travel before entering that dark night. No one in my family has ever developed senile dementia. When their bodies wear out before they do, they still have their wits about them and simply need physical help.

Kids think that older people want their help. The ones who do are often people who were dependent far earlier in life. It is simply that their elder dependency is far more frightening because of the guilt factor - they might die. Guess what? We will die - just probably not today because there are only five hours left and I'm not even marginally sick.

As always, Milt, you present a new perspective.

In my mind my mom's refusal of help has more to do with 'not being a burden' than her actually wanting her independence. You prompted me to think differently and I discovered I'm wrong (it's the first time :)

Now that I have limitations, I clearly value my independence even more. I see why she wants to 'do for herself'. Doesn't stop me from wanting to do, too. I just understand her reluctance better now.

Maybe a better question is: what do you want to tell your kids about caring for you?

(Not you Milt. You'll be on that ice floe)

d