Oh my gosh......funny you should ask, Dina. As I type, my kids are pondering that very question, "What can we do with and/or about Mom?"

I'm returning to the wild and wonderful state of Wyoming and picking up life again. Yes, there was a bobble of rather large magnitude, but I've recovered. Am ready, quite literally, to get back in the saddle and live again. I thought I could do it here, in the Pacific Northwest, where all of them live.

So, what do they do with Mom? They love her, laugh with her, and hopefully enjoy her. They take my departure personally and nothing could be farther from the truth. Nothing would better than to be near them and their children. I just can't do it here in the land of liquid sunshine.

There aren't that many years of complete independence left - and the years that are left need to be enjoyed and lived, with a capital L.

I hope your own mother loves watching her house.

Jess

I've already made it clear that it is not my son's responsibility to take care of me in my "golden years." If they are golden, I won't need him and if they are not, I refuse to burden him.

I'm making my own plans by having someone outside the family with instructions and a pre-signed power of attorney should certain criteria be met. Since there are two of us, until one dies or is incapacitated, the problem doesn't exist. I hope to have my mother's health. At 89, she didn't even have a primary care physician. Her last 10 days of life were spent - five in the hospital and five in hospice. Other than that she was independent, lived alone for the last 18 years of her life and was as mentally facile the day before she went into a terminal coma 5 days before her death as she was when I met her when she was 26 and I was a helpless one-day old!

I would rather have whatever level of care I need from a stranger than burden my kid. My wife feels the same way should she survive me.

I already have a DNR document on file with a card effectuating it in my wallet. I've lived a rich and wonderful life and I want to see my son have the same privilege. I also have my emergency exit kit. It is a small bottle with my kind of note on the label. It says: "In case all exits are sealed, open bottle, swallow contents and lie down."

From the time my sons were little, I taught them that they had no obligation to wreck their lives to preserve the remnants of mine. When I can't function, I am simply an empty container. My DNR request should settle all claims against those who have a rescue complex.

But that is then and this is now. Now, I am still fully engaged with life and have many miles to go before I enter than good night.

Very good & tough question. Wow...just wrestled with end of life issues for my Mom & Dad...I think the dedication I showed my parents--which was purely voluntary on my part--made sonny uncomfortable. I'm sure he's not up for THAT kind of commitment! 'Daughter' is in college--nursing--and I think she figures on helping us, but 1-we certainly do NOT want to be a burden; and 2-thanks to your question, I've got some real thinking & planning to do!

Big issue for me: if I've got Alzheimer's--- don't recognize kids or wife--what kind of living is THAT? Seems to me I'm as good as dead. I don't want to hang on for a decade like THAT. Some of the others see it differently. To me, you've got to be in touch with reality.

Thanks, Jess, for your thoughtful answer. Here's to you under the big sky...

d

Ah Dan, you made my night. I'm so glad the question made you think. I love hearing that...it's nice to know I'm not the only one who learns something

thanks for sharing

d

I hope my children and I are close for the rest of my life. I'd like them involved with me emotionally. I'd like to spend time with them. But I'm working hard to avoid needing them to take care of me. We'll see....