hi durqu, nice to meet you. great post!!!!

i am having the identity thing, for sure. i turned 50 in february. i am finally at a place in my life were i feel like my head is on straight and maybe i can do something for myself for a change. my daughter graduates high school this june and will be off to college in the fall. i will be alone here then. i have been raising her for the last 10 years on my own. i have poured my energy into that, into providing her with a home and being the person in her life she can count on because i am who she has.

so i am on the verge of big changes, and the identity thing is part of that. but while on the one hand i have a sense of old things falling away, i also have a sense of new things emerging. it is tricky sometimes and scary and exhilarating and crazy. but i like it.

Hi RoseBear,

Thank you for your comments - feel better already. I don't have many woman in my life that I can talk to about this. I've asked my aunts & they say they didn't really notice what I'm talking about.

I'll be 52 in the fall - both of my kids have been out on their own for 11 years now.

I noticed when I started menopause - 43yrs old - that I was beginning to question things. But for a few years I chalked it up to other things happening - my Mom & both of my in-laws passed away within this past 6 years - between my two kids, they have 6 children - my son moved 500 km away. So like I say - I was just chalking it up to all of these changes. But the last year especially - I've really been digging deeper into myself.

I've read a few books on menopause & the common theme I read is that this time of life is very similar to adolescence - except in reverse. When I first read that - I thought noooooo - I didn't do adolescence very well. But I guess it's the age thing because I am enjoying this time a lot more.

I too am letting things go - especially material things - things that I've inherited but now realize that's not me. But good things have come from this - I'm in the midst of starting a major project in our community.

How exciting your daughter starts college. Do you think you'll experience the 'empty-nest syndrome'?

What sort of things do you feel are emerging?

If I'm being too nosy, please say so.

Take care, Deb

I'm 52 (Monday was my birthday ;-) )

I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. ( i have one child) my husband works and I own my own doula service and as the business has grown I find I'm in the office more and by myself most of the day on the phone and doing office related stuff, since I have stopped seeing clients and send the employees out to see clients.

In the past few years i have started to feel out of the loop and not with a lot of people on a daily basis.

This had made me feel the transition more acutely and it is happening slowly. I find I have zero tolerance for bullshit and other peoples foibles.

I seem to have eliminated a lot of friends and have a very small social circle in the past few years.

A few years back I got a dog (Labrador Retriever) she needs a lot of outdoor exercise therefore I am forced in a good way to exercise and take her on long walks.

I go to the park every morning and walk her with a group of other women and dogs and have made a whole new social circle.

That is just what i really needed. Most are around my age a few are older some younger. We are crazy together and carry on talking and complaining when walking the dogs.

I highly recommend getting a dog and walking regularly at your local dog park.

If you're really blue and can't shake it, it could be hormonal. More then just the normal transitional changes in your life. I would see the doctor to talk about it, or take some herbs.

Nice to meet you!

Hi Durqu, I'm going to be 50 in June. I to have had identity thoughts. Like what is my purpose. OMG I forgot to have kids. Where did all the time go. Sometimes it's very scary to me. I have a hard time seeing what the future will look like. I keep doing "self talk". I'm sure my panic will resolve itself. Helps so much to talk to girlfriends.

Offering you a warm welcome to TBD :)

HI girls,

Great topic. I'm 45 and have come to believe this is mid life for me. That in itself is sobering. The empty nest is quiet. The bills are paid as do my job every day. The endless waiting for Mr. Right has lost it's shine.

Now what?

My daughter keeps telling me I need a hobby. Like knitting? tried it made a mess, drawing? can't, gardening? adequate. Reading, writing, sudoku???

Yeah I do all of those. But I'm really a people person.

It's in these quiet times alone I get to find out who Lynda really is. Just a pebble on the beach of life. A co-creator of my now. To think I have a choice and a hand in how it looks, not merely a victim of circumstances. That is one of the biggest realizations I've had here in this stage. Loosing interest in things I once found entertaining is strange. So just when I think I'm morphing into someone I don't even know, I'm reminded by great women like you that this is part of womanhood and I will hold on....No.....I think I'll turn my boat around pull in the oars and effortlessly float down stream.

Peace and love to us all

I am so grateful that I gave my ???? a voice - thanks to everyone that's commented - I feel good, not so alone with my thoughts.

Happy belated birthday Dewi. I hope you had a really wonderful day. Would you mind if I asked what is "doula service"?

LJQRN - I love your line "I think I'll turn my boat around pull in the oars and effortlessly float down stream." That sounds incredibly peaceful & relaxing.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my daughter about sometimes feeling like she isn't supportive of my life & I feel taken for granted sometimes. She got this really confused look on her face & told me that she'd never seen me show this side - vulnerability. Her compassion was amazing as she told me I had always been so strong, she wondered if I was human. The point to this is that I'm discovering so much about myself AND how other people have perceived me.

I'm really getting what other women - mainly public figures & now you ladies - have been saying - the confidence about decisions - the excitement about new experiences - the shedding of people pleasing habits - the releasing of the old - all can be a part of this new stage of life.

I really struggled for a while about my impatience. I used to draw comfort that I was so patient with others. But I've since found - the impatience is with things that won't matter a lick of difference tomorrow - the b.s. of life.

Take care, Deb

hey deb

i am in the beginning of feeling the emptiness of the nest. last week, i looked at my daughter's college website and cried. i have a whirlwind of emotions inside me and i am keeping busy all the time so as not to feel them. it is taking a toll on me, though--i am exhausted.

i have begun to speak my mind more clearly and without fear. and it is a good thing. i have been a people pleaser for far too long--mostly out of fear, needing that approval so bad. but i have come to learn I AM OKAY AS I AM and if people can't handle it, oh well. that i not to say i am rude. but i do take care of myself. i am entitled to my opinion and i have been around long enough and experienced enough that i feel confident to rise to leadership roles. i trust myself and my judgment more and more. i used to doubt myself so much.

i am realizing that my way of life, while somewhat unconventional, is just fine. i used to worry about not blending in. i used to apologize for not appearing 'normal'. now i am remembering some of my dreams of childhood--dreams that came before puberty and the hormone madness--dreams of the kind of life i wanted to live. my one and only life!

i have a sign posted on my front door now. i see it whenever i leave the house. it says: Behold This Day For It Is Yours To Make. it comes from Black Elk, that native american prophet and visionary.

you are not too nosey. i think this is a great post. thank you for it!