I love this short story. You said it all in four words and made each word count!

But seriously, I did read the work when you had it posted and think you made the right decision in deciding to rework it. Best of luck. Been there and done that many times.

Lollipops and unicorns

I also read the story when it was posted. I appreciate the challenge you faced writing it.

True stories are often a challenge to write , due to "low conflict/resolution." Good luck with the rewrite.

Actually when I re-read it in the forum I didn't think it was that bad for a 1st draft. I just felt it was alien to me. It didn't feel like it belonged to me, in a sense. It was certainly my hand holding the pen but I felt detatched from it. Anyone ever had that? Hope I'm not possessed.

Anyway, Akabukowski reckons she was looking forward to having a go at it, so I'll post it again just for general reading.

First off, don't write in passive voice--stick an actor in there; "I withdrew the post," for example.

Secondly, where's the conflict? Who opposes withdrawing the post? Why does the main character need to withdraw the post and why is it important to us, the reader?

Thirdly, big points for brevity. No extraneous words or superfluous dialogue. Crisp, clean, tight--I like it.