This is a tantalising beginning to a longer story, I'm guessing that there's more here. Your narative sounded real .

You threw out so many hints of what's happening in the lives of these characters, such as "I'll never see him again," that I soon guessed what was going on, especialy with that Australia read-out. You were subtle. I got it, and it was poignant. You said as much as you needed to and no more.

I have no suggestion for change, though I'll check it again tomorrow to make sure, only that it might be part of something longer. Nicely done! Keep at it.

Start a new paragraph when the speaker changes. Dialogue is otherwise very difficult to follow.

Give the characters names. "He" and "She" will never connect to readers.

The second paragraph confused me. Who was wondering about who was doing what with who?

I agree that it's a good beginning - caught my attention and held it.

Also agree with Dallas that the dialogue, though well written, was hard to follow. Easily remedied, though.

I assume there will be more?

Hey buddy,

I’m quite pleased you’ve put your work up here for view. Good for you man.

Ok here’s my thoughts. You’ve got a good foundation here. It’s topical. Cyber relationships and the perimeters of fidelity are hot topics. I like that you’re tackling them.

But I think this is only the foundation. It’s got to be built. It’s a skeleton that you need to flesh out - with description and nuance of characterization. And since there isn’t flesh on the body - I just see the bones. So it reads like a first draft.

I’ll tell you what I really like about this. You’re tackling this from one hell of perspective. You’re writing about men’s view of fidelity and men’s insecurities of sexuality. I like the man’s perspective. I’m already interested in his view.

These are bones of contention for men to discuss. I’m glad you’re discussing them. Flesh it out bro and slap it back up. I want to read more.

Thanks guys. Appreciate your very constructive advice I will use it.