I know several people (men and women) who are or were married to bipolar spuses, schizophrenics, and people who became mentally ill due to brain damage.

In one case, I didn't know that a friend's husband was bi-polar for many years, but I did see her become an old woman with no joy in her eyes. At his memorial service, she looked twenty years younger and happier than I had seen her in a long time.

A younger cousin is married to a man who is apparently insane, due to two brain traumas--an aneurysm followed later by a devastating traffic accident. He is living somewhere in a park in Hawaii right now, and she is fading away into an old woman.

I'm no doctor, and I don't even know you and your fiance, but love is not enough to live with mental illness and maintain your own health. Once that's lost, it's all over.

My last bf was bipolar (did not know this in the beginning, which would have explained MANY things) and I now I'm so thankful that it only lasted just under a year!

He was inconsistent in how he treated me -sometimes he acted very anxious and excited to see me, and other times he seemed to care less. At times he was so emotionally distant, I would take it personally, as if it was something that I did. But I realize now that it wasn't me at all. Towards the end, I was so emotionally stressed out and felt so insecure because of how he would treat me and treat our relationship. It's been seven months and I am still dealing with issues from that relationship.

I had very strong feelings for him and it broke my heart when it ended, but now that time has passed, I can see how he was sucking the life right out of me!

If I were you, I would seriously reconsider marrying this man, no matter how much you love him.

I am married to someone who is bi-polar. Her condition is very mild and it is workable. But if I had to do this over again I probably wouldn't. I would really re-evaluate your feelings and get as much information about this as you can. You really need to be prepared to deal with this handicap. You will have great moments but for the most part it will be dealing with the lows of the illness. If you have a strong personality, have a lot of self confidence, and don't need a lot of emotianal support, or have a very good support group then you might be ready to live with a bi-polar spouse. Even then it sneaks up on you. Sometimes I feel like the frog in the water with someone slowly turning up the heat. You don't notice the danger until it is too late. Bottom line is to take a very good look at yourself, not how much you love this person. Are you capable of living with this.

After posting this and then re-reading the other comments I realize that all three of us came down pretty hard on you. I think it is important to realize that knowledge is so important in making this decision. The more you know the more you can plan. I think what happens to those of us that live with bi-polar spouses is we don't understand it until we are emotionally drained (even then I don't really understand). If your spouse (or future spouse) understand this they can also plan a bit. You might check out some of the other threads in this group. I think with the right knowledge anything can be done.

In sickness and in health--and you're not even married yet! Clearly, if he is bipolar, of course that's a major challenge, and will be for the rest of your lives. There will undoubtedly be times when you wonder: Why oh why did I ever get myself into this? That's the bad news.

The good news is no matter who you marry there are times when you say why oh why? The good news about bioplar is that that in the vast majority of cases, ever serious cases, it responds quite well to a mix of medications. I know someone who takes four drugs. But the dosages are tricky and need to be individually tailored. The person I know works with a psychiatrist and a clinical pharmacologist, who stays on top of the drugs.

I saw my bipolar friend recently. He was great, totally normal. He'd just started a new job, a really good job, and was in a good place in his life. Bipolar doesn't have to ruin anyone's life. But it has to be dealt with every day, like diabetes, or any other chronic illness.

If you live in a town that has a local NAMI chapter, see if they offer a Family-to-Family class. I am married to a woman who is schizo-affective, and the class literally saved my marriage.

The class deals with medications, dealing with relapses, and handling doctors. I took it, and now I run a family support group for NAMI.