Dear losthope,

I am so sorry for your lost. I could not imagine what you are going through when it's your Husband. I also have lost a love one 2 years ago, it was my Mother and I still miss her each and every day.

I have also lost a brother 26 years ago and YES it still feels like yesterday for both. My Mother really helped me to let her go and to remember that in a very short time we will be together again. She passed away from cancer and then 4 months later I was diagnosed with breast cancer. She taught me not to let tomorrow or yesterday steal from today in the here and now this present moment. To live life to the fullest TODAY. I am sure if he could tell you right now all he would want for you is to be happy and know that he loved you very much and to move forward and live THIS life yours for you. It's never easy to let go and go forward when you have lost the best thing in your life but I know he would want you to. My Mother told me to only remember the good so that I smile or laugh when I think of her. It is easier said than done. (I Know) I did go through grieving counseling and that really helped me too. Some have written in and said they have done a little ceremony to say goodbye and that has helped then to move forward. I wish I know what to say that would help you, but it is true, time is the only healer in the situation. Here is the poem my Mother picked out to help me through her lost:

When I am gone, release me, let me go. I have so many things to see and do. You mustn's tie yourself to me with tears, be happy that we had so many years.

I gave to you my love. You can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness. I thank you for the love you each have shown, but now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must then let your grief be comforted by trust. It's only for awhile that we must part, so bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away, for life goes on. So if you need me, call and I will come. Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near, and if you listen with your heart you'll hear all of my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile, and "Welcome Home".

God bless you and Good Luck,

Sincerely,

Golden Eagle Women

Losthope,

I lost my husband Feb 16,2008. Im living And STUCK in the week of his death... I cannot bring myself to the present because to do so will mean leaving him alone & behind. I cannot do that. I want to either go to him, or I pray to him, ( Not god ) to come and take me with him. I dont want either of us alone no matter where he is, or where I am. We were the ONLY People each other KNEW we could count on. Isnt that sad? That the people you THINK you could count on if you truly needed their help, and make your devastation, and pain worse. WORSE?!.... What kind of people are being created this era? My only ONLY local support is my husbands best friend... and his wife is actually accusing us of having an affair!! Its all about her. Screw the fact that he just lost his best friend of 35 years.... or that I lost my SOULMATE. No, its about her "pain" ... and before I get resonses about that I should have empathy for her, you would have to know this woman before you can say that. She is a narsacist to the core. How dare she shame me and call me a who_e... I lost the love of my life almost 3 months ago, and shes been accusing her husband of this since the night he & I spent sleeping on couches in the waiting room in the ICU. She then AGAIN, accused him on the day of Kens memorial service???

I want to go to my husband. Im tired...and he is all I have to count on.

Bottom line to LOsthope: I have no hope. You must have some to have made it this far....

I love you Ken.FOREVER.

Your baby,

Kristin

Golden Eagle, I am so sorry for my post last might. I am not in a good spot right now, and as I read it this morning, it sounds HORRIBLE. I didnt mean it to be directed towards you... I am very angry, sad & tired....I hope you didnt take it personal. I vented in an inappropriate way.. I am sorry.

Kristin

Kristin,

Before my husband passed, he made me promise that I would not do anything stupid. I have been sorry for making that promise every second since. It isn't that I have hope, it is that I have made a promise to the only person that made me feel whole. How can I dishonor him by breaking that promise?

The people around me all say that I am being foolish for wanting to be with him and that it isn't my time yet. How can they know what kind of pain I suffer when half of my heart is elsewhere?

The Powers that be must surely have made a mistake when they parted us. Yet I must believe that nothing happens without a reason.

I haven't the faintest idea of how to comfort you or even if comfort is available in such a situation. All I can say is please hang on. There are others in the world who place a great deal of value on you even if you do not see this or know them.

I know this is a bit after the fact, but I really wanted to thank you for the beautiful thoughts.- losthope

I've never lost a husband but I did lose my mother, father, and sister in a span of 5 1/2 years. I felt like an orphan and I was 43 years old! I fell into a deep depression that lasted nearly 5 years. It's been 11 years for my mom, nearly 7 for my dad and nearly 6 for my sister. I'm finally doing better so I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up, it really will get better but it will take time. I read a lot of books on grief after my sister died and one of them said that it takes about 5 years for things to get better. You never get 'over' it but you do learn to live with your new reality. People say some very dumb things to you when you're grieving...they just don't know any better because they've never experienced the same kind of devastating loss. Just try to ignore them. One of the things that helped me more than anything was joining on online grief group. The one I joined was griefnet.org They have groups for particular losses like sibling, parents, spouses etc. I made some lifelong friends in that group. Keep moving forward one day at a time...sometimes it's just one hour at a time but someday the intensity of the pain will lessen. Blessings! Kerwea

You just take it a day at a time. You let yourself go through the stages of grief, you surround yourself with family and friends when you are ready. You cherish the time you had with your husband and realize how lucky you were to have met him in the first place and how privileged you were to have shared his life even if for just a little while. Think how really sad it would have been if you had not shared his life at all. Surround yourself with positive thinking people, who you can talk about your husband with. Spend some time outdoors every day. Yes, life is different now, but you will be ok. But you have to force yourself to be ok. At first you just go through the motions, then something happens and you smile again. You need to get out of the house. Walk, do something that helps you find that child inside yourself that you once were. Be good to yourself. You are always going to miss him. But you can and will go on. If not for you then for your other loved ones. They need you. My heartfelt sympathy for what you are going through right now. dkbs