Four months sounds like such a long time... until you associate it with the grieving process.

My mother died August 07 of lung cancer. You're still in the freshest stages of grief, don't let anybody tell you otherwise. You have my sympathies, if you need anything, even just to rant, we're here for you.

Estonia, my sympathies on your loss. How wonderful that you were able to spend so much time caring for your wife. I know a bit about lung cancer, having lost my father to it and keeping in touch with his oncologist all these years, and your wife's almost-three-years survival given how far it had spread, I am sure was aided by your loving care. Most lung cancer that has spread to the liver is a matter of months not years. Again, I am glad TBD is here for you as you begin to heal.

Estonia, I lost my husband almost 2yrs. ago to lung and brain cancer. It was 14 weeks from diagnosis to death. What a shock, he did not even have a chance to retire. He was only 62. I also cared for my husband at home. That is where he wanted to be. He died there, with a smile on his face, with all three of our children around. Though it will be 2yrs. in Oct. I still miss him something awful. We were married 41years. Just take it a day at a time. dont let anyone tell you you should be over this at any certain time. Everyone is different. I have learned to be happy again, by forcing myself to get out and do things with friends and family. Some things I have learned to do alone, and it is not so bad. We will always have our loved one in our heart. Sometimes when I am out I will see someone that reminds me of my late husband, and my stomach will flip. I know he is not coming back. We must go on , and we need to be happy . Our other loved ones need us. Life is very short. We are only here on earth a very short time. So we must live every day like it might be our last. I for one plan to travel to see family, and to see places I have not been. These are things I was going to do with my late husband. I plan to do them now only differently. I am still alive, and I am going to live out my life and try hard to be happy. Will I miss my husband while doing these things. Yes. But life goes on. and I can sit here and be unhappy, making no one want to be around me. Or I can chose to be happy, and enjoy what time I have left, and share that time with others. I Loved my husband with all my heart. But I am still here, and plan to make the most of it. He would want me to be happy. And in my heart he will be doing all of these things right along with me. A positive attitude can take us a long way. I know I could never marry again. I would always be comparing another person to my husband. But who knows perhaps one day there will be someone who is willing to just be a companion. Live in their own home. Go out to dinner together , or maybe even travel with me. Someone who felt about their spouse the way I do. someone who would like to share memories of their spouse as well. If not, I will still be ok. I have three very loving children and grandchildren who love me a lot. Force yourself to smile Estonia, and soon you will be smiling for real.

happywmylife - your comments were very inspirational to me. I lost my husband 2 years ago of liver cancer. 60 days from diagnosis to death. We were married for 30 years and did everything together. He also died at a young age of 59. But he was determined to stay alive until his youngest daughter graduated high school and he did, although he was not in any condition to go to the graduation. He went into a hospice facilty the day after her graduation and died that night.

What has helped me cope with this situation is my adult children. I feel that I have to keep it together to show them that women can be strong individuals. They both live with me and I have also moved my 76 year old mother in with me. My oldest daughter is currently in the Air National Guard and is overseas, but when she is home she is in college working on her degree in music and my youngest daughter is stil trying to find her niche in life. Her dad's death really hit her hard and is still affecting her.

I feel that after 2 years of mourning I am ready to move on and am talking to a nice gentleman from my church, but my youngest daughter is totally against me having a relationship with anyone. We have sat down and discussed it and I've told her that her dad would want me to be happy and move on with my life. She has her own life and relationship and I feel, that as she grows older, she will eventually understand, but for now, she's young and dedicated to her dad.

I told her that there will always be a place in my heart for her dad, because I still love him very much, but I need a man in my life. I went from my mother's home to my husband's home so I've always had a man in my life. I need that companionship, sense of security and romance that I felt with my husband.

I have found my smile again and love it.

I am with you a hundred percent. Some people just don't understand how widow/widowers can move forward. I have also moved forward, my son fortunately has embraced it. I think for him he knows exactly what his dad meant to me and how he will always be a part of me. We were the "three musketeers" for 17 years so I don't think he has ever doubted my love for his dad.

I am happy for you that you found your smile again, it is the most wonderful thing and I am sure your late husband is smiling right back at you!

Hi Estonia,

I am sorry for your loss. I just found this website in June and find it a great supportive and healing place for me. My only advice if I may, is don't give your grieving a time line. Just let things happen. I know the feeling of just not wanting to feel the crippling pain- I fought it for months. I felt that I had to be strong for everyone and above all I hated being sad because I knew that if my late husband was watching me he would be upset with me. Sounds funny now that I write it. However, once I stopped fighting it and just let it happen I was able to breathe through it. The pain became bearable.

Everyone,

This discussion is exactly what I needed right now. I lost my wonderful wife over 18 months ago and I miss her very much but I know she would want me to move on with life and be happy. I think I am at the point that I am ready to love and be loved again. I may never marry again but as happywmylife says I would like a companion, someone to ride with me on my motorcycle while we checked out small towns and B&Bs. Cuddled up watching a movie whatever. I'm told that I need to be patient and the right one will come......patients is not one of my strong suits but I don't want a "settle for" relationship. That wouldn't be fair to me or her so everytime I get impatient, I think about that....

Patients

Patients

Patients and healing....