Yes, somewhat similar experience, although my mother does not live with me.

Take over all functions she cannot perform adequately. Tell her you're doing it, and it's not an option.

Sit her down and tell her why you're taking over these functions. Preferably, give her some examples of recent failings along the way.

My brother and I have a bit of a different opinion than Tony A. As our parents are beginning to slip, they are still proud of their independence. We ask permission to administer things like check statements and medical bills.

Usually, it's something along the line of "Mama, this thing is so screwed up that nobody could figure it out. Do you want me or Larry to see if we can get to the bottom of it?"

If there are cobwebs in every corner, one of us will casually take a broom and surreptitiously knock them down on the way to the bathroom.

I tell Daddy that I had some fertilizer left over from my place, and does he mind if I throw it on his azaleas.

We bring in "leftover" food--"I made a big mess of this for myself of this and I thought ya'll would like some."

When there is a real disconnect, we are likely to say something like, "So-and-so's baby wasn't born last week, but is due in three months, and is a girl, not a boy. All that pain medicine you were taking when you talked to them..." (We always blame the medication).

There is simply no need to tell them that they need help. They know they do physically, of course, but their perceptions of mental independence is important to them.

I prefer VWomak's reply. It is hard to grow old - hard for the ones who are aging, and hard for the ones who love them or feel it their responsibility to care for them. Losing independence is extremely difficult for anyone to accept; the elderly, like each one of us, need to be treated with compassion and respect. When a person can no longer take care of themself, others will have to help, whether on a physical or mental basis. At that point, there is no other choice. I think it is important to remember our own health and sanity, and if we cannot be the sole source of assistance that is needed, we must go to outside sources. The elderly do sometimes lose the capacity to understand, but we should always try to handle them with care even when we must do what they do not desire.

Do your best to make her comfortable. This will become even more important in the days ahead. Help her, don't boss her.

I just went through this with my Mom who recently passed away, and ,now with my Dad who seems to want to follow in her footsteps.

Old folks are generally into doing projects together, like balancing the checkbook, painting watercolors, making a meal together. She needs you more than you think - jump in. She'll be gone soon.